School's
out! I'm one week into summer already, a week that's gone by in a
blur. When I was a kid, summers didn't fade in and out so quickly.
It seemed there were countless hours of me staring at the ceiling or
the wall or the potato bug (or roly-poly if you prefer) crawling
along the sidewalk. Summers were slow and lazy. Not a care in the
world.
Nowadays.
Slow and lazy? Not a care in the world? That sounds nice. As a
grown-up, I've found that there's seldom—if ever—a day where
nothing needs doing. I guess the days of “wake up, play video
games, eat, play outside, take a nap, and repeat” are done. And
just when I think I've got a
day to be slow and lazy, I remember that I have to pay the bills and
turn in that online assignment and—oh yeah—I still need to go get
a loan to buy a new-to-me car. And who could forget that lawn that
still hasn't learned
to mow itself?... Oh well. Maybe there'll be time for slow and lazy
tomorrow. Maybe I'll even sleep in past 7 A.M.!
I
bring this up for several reasons. First, life is busy. Life is
doing. Life is becoming. Life doesn't pause itself to let us finish
our [insert Netflix show] marathons. Life is stressful!
It was designed to be that way. (Keep this in mind. We'll be
coming back to this idea later.)
Here's
the other reason I bring this up: Before work let out for the
summer, I had an interesting conversation with a coworker. He knew
that I was a Mormon (the more correct term being a member of the
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) and he sometimes had
questions for me—not so much about doctrine, but about my
lifestyle. PS—I would
much rather have my friends as me about the Church than do an
internet search about it. I appreciate that he would consult with me
and not some whack-a-doodle who thinks they
know a lot about what I believe.
Anyway—where were we? Oh, right. Several coworkers were going to
get together for retirement party and drinks that evening, and he
wanted to know if I'd be joining them. I said, “Yes, I'll go to
support those who are retiring. But I won't drink.”
He paused, “So, wait. You don't drink?”
I nodded, “I don't drink. Never have. Never will.... Unless
cough syrup counts, then I have. I've probably accidentally
swallowed SCOPE before too.”
“OK, so why don't you drink?” he asked.
I could have gone into a long discussion about the Word of Wisdom,
but I didn't. Instead, I asked another question in return, “Why
would I drink alcohol?”
He thought about it and responded, “It's stress relief. If you
don't drink, what do you do when you get stressed?”
I had to paused and think about this one. I shrugged and said, “I
must not get stressed.”
That's not entirely true, of course. Everyone feels the
stress of life at some point. (If not, they aren't living life
correctly, and maybe they're on the drugs.) I thought about that a
lot over the course of the next couple of weeks. How do I
deal with stress when alcohol isn't an option?
One
more quick tangent: I'm not saying that drinking alcohol makes
someone a bad person, nor am I saying that I'm somehow magically
better than everyone who drinks because I choose not to. One thing I
hope we understand before I go on is that most Mormons don't secretly
judge others who live differently than we do. At the very heart of
our doctrine is that people have the right to choose how to live
their lives—and accept the consequences. I think people have every
right to choose to drink—and accept the consequences which
accompany that choice—just as I have the right to choose not
to drink.
I
choose to deal with my stress in more productive ways than going to
the bottle. Even though those slow and lazy days are gone, I still
feel rested, composed, in control, and—here's the best part—joyful.
Why not choose to
live a joyful life, in spite of day to day business? Here's how I
deal with my stress:
- What she says: TED talk on stress
- Deal with whatever is causing the stress. Sometimes we have responsibilities which cause us stress. Take taxes, for example. There's no getting around it, so I face the problem head-on. Fine, government. You think you need an entire paycheck of mine? Take it. Don't mind me over here eating Ramen noodles for the next six months. What about that 10-page-paper that's due? Just do it! Maybe even try to learn something in the process. That's the point, isn't it? If a situation shouldn't be avoided, then don't avoid it. Manage it. Control it. Be done with it.
- Enjoy the moment. Of course, stress can come from good things too. A family vacation. Looking forward to going on that date (not that I know what that feels like anymore). The new baby that was born into them family. When I experience these good stressors, I forget about the yesterdays and the tomorrows—I leave work at work. I do my best to sit back and let the moment wash over me. I try to memorize the feelings, to let them crystallize deep inside me. It's like soaking up sunshine but for the soul. Goodness knows I'll need to remember those moments when the bad stress rolls around again.
- Exercise. When I'm feeling especially anxious, I have to exercise. Running. Lifting weights. Punching a pillow. Yoga. Numerous scientific studies back up my thoughts here. Exercise relieves stress. I feel better, and I certainly look better.
- Deep breathing. I'm one of those people who internalizes stress. Sometimes my body is under stress, and I don't even realize it. Every once in a while I'll wake up from a deep sleep with knots in my stomach, heart pounding, and worrisome thoughts whirring around in my head. When this happens, I sit up and take deep breaths. In for 10. Out for 10. In for 15. Out for 15. I remind myself that I am in charge of my emotions—my emotions are not in charge of me. Deep breathing helps me to calm myself immediately.
- Keep it in perspective. When my problems seem too big for me to overcome, I try to remember that those stresses I have now will not be the same stresses I'll have in a week. Or a month. Or a year. Or a decade. Or an eternity. Yeah, that ER bill was a monster, but I doubt I'll be telling the nieces and nephews stories about it years down the road.
- Learn to do something new. Stress is a body's way to prepare for action. To prepare to do something. When I have stress in abundance, I use that spare energy to learn to do things. I learn a new song for the piano, I cook something new, I sew, I decorate, I paint, I landscape, I write a book, I actually try some of those weird make-up and hair tutorials that plague YouTube. Extra stress/energy is a gift, not a curse.
- Good music. I'll leave it up to you, the reader, to decide what “good” music sounds like. Music is awesome in helping to relieve stress.
- Sleep. Eight hours a night! There really is something to that “early to bed, early to rise” stuff. A small nap every now and again is another great way to recharge, reset, and reattempt to solve problems.
- Think of someone else. I've found that the most miserable moments of my life have also been the most selfish moments of my life. By thinking of others, one is able to lay down their own burdens—if only for a moment—and help another to carry theirs. It's like my favorite Hindu proverb: Help thy brother's (or sister's) boat across, and—lo—thine own has reached the shore.”
- Call Mom. I read an article once that examined the stress in teenage girls and further searched to find the best practices for relieving that stress. The results? Talking to their mothers relieved stress more than any other practice. There have been many times when I've called to vent to my mom—making sure that I'm totally calm and collected before I call her. I don't know how she does it, but sometimes all she has to say is, “Hello, I was just thinking about you,” and the floodgates open. I sob uncontrollably, and she's probably left wondering what's going on. It's a natural physical reaction, folks. Sorry, moms, but the need to vent our stress to you is scientifically supported.
- Be still. This is a lost art. How many of us can, honestly, sit and meditate for five minutes? Ten minutes? Twenty minutes? What's the rush? Take time to consider yourself, your circumstances. Take time to be still and be aware. Take time to ponder. Take time to reflect on improvement. Take time to appreciate the beautiful. Be still.
- Pray. This is another lost art, unfortunately. My greatest strength comes through prayer. I pray in the morning, in the evening, and about any other time I feel like it. I pray out loud in private and in my heart in public. Here's why: I believe that God is not some intangible being who happens to overlook the Earth and give us “thou shalts” and “thou shalt nots.” (That's weird and goes against the scientist in me.) I believe God is a Father, a perfect one, who is available to me on a personal level. Just as I can call up my dad in Wyoming, I can “call up” my Heavenly Father. I can share my joys and my struggles. I can ask for help. I can ask for strength. I can ask for perspective or understanding. And, you know what? My prayers are answered. It doesn't always happen the way I want or expect, but it happens. Amidst it all—whether good or bad stress—I find immense stability in recognizing that I am never alone, that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me, guides me, and walks beside me through every challenge.
So,
there you have it. How I deal with stress without alcohol.
