Call Me

I love the Mormon religion.  Honestly.  I can't find one thing about it that I don't appreciate.  Mormon culture, however, is a different story.  Mormon culture bugs me.  A lot.

Case in point:

Everyone cries at church.  Not everyone, I guess, just the women.  I recall several instances as a very young girl that my older brothers or sister would tell me that my poor behavior was making people cry.  I would look up at the podium, usually at a crying woman on the other end, and feel bad about my hyperactivity in the pews....  But I never really cared enough to stop whatever it was that I was doing.

Throughout the years, I've heard a lot of the same recycled stories, with a few details changed to match personal circumstances, told over the pulpit.  One of these stories is as follows:  I was having such a hard week.  First [insert mishap here].  Then, [insert second mishap].  Finally, [insert worst and over-exaggerated mishap here].  I was so overwhelmed.  Finally, I prayed to God that someone would come and help me.  In only [insert short amount of time here], I heard my doorbell ring.  [Insert name here] was at my door to give me [insert magic solution to every mentioned problem here].  That's how I know that God loves me."

...Don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying that God can't work like that.  I believe that many prayers have been answered through the actions of people.  I'm not saying that people who have had experiences like this are bad people.  I am saying that I'm sick of hearing this story.  Mostly because it's never happened to me, and I'm maybe (probably) a little bit jealous.

I've had days like that before.  Days where everything goes wrong.  Days like this:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnYW6YH_8w4

A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Yesterday was like that for me.  My house was a mess.  Work projects keep piling up.  (And, by the way, Colorado teachers now receive mandated evaluations based on not only their own, but also on their students' performances.)  Money is tight.  I couldn't put off working in the backyard anymore.  I could handle it, though, until the lawnmower broke.  Really broke this time.  Not just a quick "check the oil and gas" problem.  If I desperately needed to, I suppose I could buy another lawnmower, but I'd only be able to eat nothing but Ramen for the next three months.  That's still not the issue, though.  This lawnmower belonged to my late Gramps.  In a bizarre kind of way, I'd feel closer to him whenever I mowed my lawn with his mower.  Yes, I could buy a new mower... but not one that used to belong to him.  As we approach the anniversary of his death, I find it even more difficult to cope with something as silly as a broken yard tool.

As soon as I realized that it was beyond my ability to fix the mower, I calmly placed it back in the garage and went inside.  I took a shower, ate some dinner, watched some TV, and then I went into my room and sobbed.  I'm very hard on myself that way, I guess.  When I remembered that I still have Gramps' old art supplies, I felt a little better, but not much.

It was in that moment that I so desperately wanted all of these "so I prayed and someone came" stories to be true.  As is usually the case when I'm crying, I found myself on my knees, calling on God to help me.  Usually these kinds of prayers go something like this, "Please, Heavenly Father, I can't do this on my own anymore.  I need help.  Help from anyone will do.  I just need someone to call me.  Please, have someone call me so that I can feel better.  Please, tell them to tell me that everything will be OK."

Well, as has always been the case, help never comes-- at least not in the instant way that I want it to.  No one has showed up at my door or called me.  I've gotten better at asking for help, because it never comes otherwise.  (Except help from family, but that's different.)  At any rate, I find that God has a way of tugging at my heart and, whenever He finds me praying as such, He finds a way to tell me (in a kind and loving way), "I'm sorry you're sad, but I made you strong enough to fix this problem on your own.  It's not as big a problem as you're making it out to be.  There are others, though, who are offering similar prayers right now.  Call them.  Visit them.  Help them."

Usually a person or a family will pop into my mind for whom I've neglected to care.  I usually feel guilty, but I'm getting better at forgiving myself.  If it's not too late, I find myself calling or visiting someone else who, I usually find, has it worse off than me.  Once I've helped as best I can, I find that my setbacks are much easier to handle.  In a way, helping others becomes the answer to my prayers as I work out my own problems with a clearer perspective.

I guess the point is, too many people I know (Mormons in particular) wait around for their prayers to be answered.  They expect God to do all the work.  That's not how it should be, I think.  Instead, I just wish people could be actively involved in taking care of each other.  That way I wouldn't have to cry into my pillow waiting for someone to call me.  That way others wouldn't have to cry into their pillows (assuming other people do that too) waiting for me to call or visit them.

I look ahead sometimes, and I know that difficult circumstances are in the forecast.  I know that I'll be facing many of these difficult circumstances on my own.  These are experiences, though, that I wouldn't trade.  There are certainly times when I just wish someone would come to my door and hug me, tell me how brave I've been, and then go about solving my problems.  I know this won't ever happen (unless my Mom is reading this, then it might).  Not for me anyway.  However, I can always hope to be the person who shows up at the door of someone else, gives them a hug, tells them how brave they've been, and then goes about solving all their problems.

If that's what you need, then call me.

One Thing

One of my favorite things to do in junior high was to dance furiously to boy-band music.  That's not even a joke.  I would rock out to Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync, take a break for some Strawberry Nesquik, and then rock out some more.  It was so much fun....  Let's be honest, it's still fun.  I still do that, but don't tell anyone:  They'll find out how uncool I am.

While 'N Sync will always be my favorite, there is this song by One Direction that I really enjoy.  "One Thing."  It's so cute.  I could truly sing into my curling iron and dance around to this song for an entire evening.  (Yet another reason why I don't have any friends.)  Here (you should listen to it too):  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjgLbv3uPbI

You better believe I just clicked on that link.

I think the reason why I like this song so much is that I'd like to be that girl who has that "one thing."  Not because I want One Direction to fall in love with me.  That's creepy and wrong.  I don't need to be the girl who has that "one thing" to make anyone fall in love with me.  It has nothing to do with that.  I'd just hope that I could be someone that people can look at and say, "Hey-- there's something about her.  She's different, in a good way.  I want to be like that too."

This lead me to wonder, what is that "one thing" that would make me like that?  Then, the math teacher in me said, "Well, one is the sum of all its parts."  Eureka!  We're not just talking about one thing here!  We're talking about several qualities that make up one whole person.  This, of course, opens up another can of worms.  Similar to my "to do" lists, which are seemingly never-ending, I need to create a "to be" list in order to figure out what characteristics I need to embody in order have that "one thing."

Here's my "to be" list:

• Be faithful:  Faith can be defined as belief and dedication.  As a teacher and a missionary, I've encountered so many people who don't believe in anything, not even themselves.  What a sad way to go about things!  Not everyone has to believe what I believe.  But everyone should believe in something and dedicate themselves to it.  This includes being faithful to the people we love.
• Be hopeful:  Whether things are going well in life or not, it's so important to have hope.  As any human who's actually lived can tell you, sometimes life doesn't pan out to be the way we expect it, or want it, to be.  Bad things happen.  If you're not confronted with challenges, then you're not living.  Even amidst difficulty, it is so important to be hopeful.  To look forward to good things to come, and to know that they're there.  Having hope inspires us to keep moving, even when we'd rather crawl into a hiding place and never come out.  Hope also helps me to appreciate the current circumstances for what they are, whether I'm in a happy place or not.  Hope assists me in conquering my fears.
• Be loving and charitable:  True charity is more than giving money and supplies to the needy.  True charity is recognizing humanity in another person, or recognizing life in any other living thing, and simply loving them for being alive.  It's not only a desire, but a need to help other living things.  Whenever I think of true love and charity, I think of most mothers I know.  People who are willing to sacrifice time, effort, money, and even themselves for the benefit of someone (or something) else.  This one is so important, and-- if you ask me-- it's central to developing any other meaningful trait.  Love is realizing that life is not a competition, that I can truly rejoice when good things happen to other people.
• Be virtuous:  Basically, think opposite of Miley Cyrus.  Virtue is what so many young people (and old people) lack today.  Virtue is purity, in thought, in action.  Virtue is the person you are when no one's watching.  Virtue is standing true to one's beliefs, no matter what.  Virtue is a determination to do the right thing because it's the right thing.  And, girls, you need to have virtue.  I believe that men live up to the standard set by the women in their lives.  If you want to go around acting like a Miley Cyrus clone, feel free, but don't be surprised if all the men in your life turn out to be like drunken frat boys who only want you for your butt and boobs.  (Someone had to say it.)  It you want to inspire the people in your life to be good, then you must be good first.  Girls, we set the bar, and we shouldn't insult our guys with such low standards.  They deserve better.  We deserve better.
• Be knowledgeable:  We live in an age of information.  Some of the information we can learn is more important than other information, but with every step, intelligence grows.  And knowing things isn't enough.  A person needs to learn how to discern what is fact and what is not.  They need to know how to research and apply.  Hopefully with all of this "getting of facts," they also get an understanding of what those facts mean.  With luck, this understanding may even turn into wisdom.
• Be obedient:  This relates back to faith.  I'll be obedient to what I believe-- to the teachings of Jesus Christ.  I'll be obedient to laws, as long as those laws aren't harming innocent people.  I'll be obedient to my parents, because experience has taught me that they won't ask me to do anything that isn't for my benefit.  I'll be obedient to the regulations of my job, because that's what I agreed to do when I was hired.  I'll be obedient to the promises I make.  Being obedient does not demonstrate weakness.  It demonstrates self-mastery and discipline.  Obedience in honorable.
• Be patient:  Is there anyone who wouldn't benefit from a little more patience?  Patience is more than waiting, too.  It productive, meaningful understanding that some good things in life are postponed.  I feel like I have to be patient with my circumstances often.  Sometimes I wonder why I haven't be blessed with the good things I've seen rewarded to others who, in my weakness, I view as less deserving than me.  I've recently discovered that patience also ties in with humility:  I need to understand that I'm not able to control everything that I'd like to, and I need to submit myself to that fact.  I have to be patient with other people, especially the little people with whom I associate everyday.  I've found that on the days when I am more patient with my students, they respond better to me.  They're happier, and I'm happier.  It requires a great deal of determination sometimes, but it is so worth it.
• Be humble:  God is God, and I'm not.  It's His will that matters, not mine.  If you're the type that doesn't believe in God, humility is still an important quality, I think.  Like virtue, it's one that we don't see often enough these days.  While society would teach us to gain-- to get "stuff"-- and to then use that to show our status is absolutely ridiculous.  Some people even use their intelligence to prove how important they are.  Here's what I think:  People who are truly comfortable with themselves don't have anything to prove.  It doesn't matter if they receive recognition or popularity or "stuff."  They're content with who they are.  Rick Warren (I have no idea who that is) has said, "Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.  Humility is thinking more of others."  Wouldn't it be awesome if this were the mindset MTV blasted at its viewers?  How much better would our country, and world, be if we could be humble?
• Be diligent:  Diligence is that little voice that guides us, that inspires us to keep working.  To keep doing.  To keep becoming.  It's not giving up, even when the going gets tough.  However, I think it's important to note that calm surrender is the yin to diligence's yang.  Sometimes it's OK to give in.  Thank goodness I'm not still pursuing that one guy from high school who said he didn't want to date me!  When it comes to the important things, though, I'll keep forging ahead, because that's what a diligent person would do.

I can't take credit for this list.  As a missionary, I studied a book called Preach My Gospel.  It's the missionary guidebook.  One of the chapters teaches the missionaries that it's not enough to do missionary work.  They also have to become a missionary.  (Here's the link:  http://www.lds.org/manual/preach-my-gospel-a-guide-to-missionary-service/how-do-i-develop-christlike-attributes?lang=eng .)  These characteristics were developed after my personal role model, Jesus Christ.  Even to those who are not religious, it should be obvious that Jesus Christ lived an incredible life.  He was an amazing person.  He has that "one thing" that I would so much like to have.  In developing the qualities He personified, I hope to become more like Him.  That way, when people get to know me, it will be like getting to know Him too.  Because when I strive to live up to these ideals, to become as He is, I feel an inner-strength and peace.  I'm given perspective, compassion, and understanding.  When I fall short (and I always do), I'm given the reassurance that I can try again as many times as I need to.

All of this is certainly "one thing" for which everyone should strive.

Dating Advice

Two posts in one day?!  What is this?!  It's my blog.  I'm an adult.  I can do what I want.

So--  whenever I go onto YouTube, it suggests that I watch self-help videos.  Apparently, YouTube thinks I have issues.  Which is probably true.  But, how does looking at "I'm a Parallelogram," "Cat Bug," and "Pink Bandana" translate into "Hey You Need Help... and a Man" videos?  (PS-- those videos that I do watch are for my students....  And, also, I like them.)

Well, YouTube.  I'm tired of you suggesting videos about dating advice, given from guys who I'd never date.  Quite frankly, I don't care if I'm using the right inflections in my voice when I introduce myself to a guy.  I don't care if I bat my eyelashes just right.  You've gotta be kidding me.

Two can play at this game.

Let's pretend, for a while, that I'm doing everything right.  Let's pretend that I'm not the one who needs advice.  Let's pretend that it's the guys who are "broken" and, clearly, not doing their jobs.  Let's pretend that I know what I'm talking about.  Guys, this one's for you!

How To Get a Girl (like me) to Like You in 10 Simple Steps:

1. Don't expect me to approach you first.  I won't.  I'm too busy doing productive things, and-- quite frankly-- not even thinking about you.  Not to be rude, but with all the people I'm already worrying about, the thought to add you to the list hasn't even crossed my mind.  Don't be intimidated by my scowl either:  I'm just contemplating how long I can put off doing my laundry, or I'm trying to remember if I put out the garbage or not.  If you want to talk to me, then talk to me.
2. Don't be creepy.  If you do decide to talk to me, please, don't say, "You are so beautiful.  I want you to start thinking about how many kids we're going to have.  Call me."  Don't say, "I've studied astrology, and I knew that today was the day that I'd find you."  Really, don't say, "....uh... hey.  So... uh... what are you doing Friday night?"  Seriously, guys.  Those kinds of pick-up lines work on no one.  Really cheesy pick-up lines, on the other hand, now those are something I can live with.  Try these:  http://www.pickuplinesgalore.com/cheesy.html
3. Ask me to spend time with you.  I've had a lot of guys initiate conversation with me, and some of the conversations were actually kind of fun.  But sometimes they end with, "Uh.  So, see you around then."  Sometimes they ask for my number.  When I do give it to them, they never use it!  If you want to spend more time with me, then tell me!  It doesn't have to be anything fancy.  We can take my dogs for a walk.  We can watch the most ridiculous Netflix shows we can find.  We can grade spelling tests together.  I don't care.  If you don't let me know that you want to spend more time together, I'll assume that you don't and continue carrying on with my fulfilling and busy life.
4. Don't take things too seriously at first.  This is important.  Very important.  I want to put you in the friend zone.  I want to leave you there for a long time.  Don't start telling your friends that I "might be the one" after we've only been on one date that lasted for two hours.  Don't start texting me at all hours of the night asking if I had a good day.  Then, when I don't respond to your text, don't ask if you're annoying me.  The answer is, yes, you are.  Very much.  HOWEVER, if you tell your friends that you think I'm cool, and that you want to hang out with me more-- awesome.  If you text me random quotes from cartoons, or if you show me really funny YouTube videos, then you definitely won't be annoying me.  Also important to remember-- get to know me!  I've had to let down several guys, some not so kindly, because they wanted to get serious before they even knew me.  When I ask you why you want to date me more seriously, you better have a better response than, "You're gorgeous, and I'm just so attracted to you."  You better have something more convincing to say than, "We can get to know each other later."
5. Be Mormon, and take it seriously.  Enough said.  If you're not Mormon, at least study up on it.  Ask the missionaries to visit you.  Get baptized.  Or not.  But I won't date any one who's not Mormon.  Sorry.  I don't like this rule sometimes too, but it's important.
6. Take an interest in what I like.  You've made it to step six.  Congratulations.  If you've made it this far, you need to start stepping up your game.  Ask about my kids at school.  Help me rearrange my classroom desks.  Hang out with me at school fundraisers, or take me to see movies that I like.  (I hate chick flicks, so it shouldn't be that hard.)  Take me to get frozen yogurt.  I don't mind paying.  Buy my dogs treats.  Suggest new songs that I could learn on the piano or ukulele.  Watch "The Walking Dead" with me, because I can never fall asleep after watching it by myself.  Because, chances are, if you've made it this far, I've taken an interest in the things that you like.  You'd be really rude not to do the same.
7. Don't do stupid things.  Stupid things includes, but is not limited to: wearing camo pants and tennis shoes, wearing socks with flip-flops, asking if you can kiss me, dancing like an idiot (if you can't dance, don't!), liking the Green Bay Packers, complimenting me on stupid things, asking me if I'd like to go bowling (I wouldn't), living with your parents, etc.
8. Be nice to my family.  My family always wins.  Always.  If they don't like you, then I don't like you.  That includes my oldest brother, and he doesn't like anyone his sisters date.  Just saying.
9. Buy me flowers.  I know it sounds greedy, but no one has ever gotten me flowers before.  Except my Gramps, my sister, and my mom.  Seriously, guys.  I'm practically 30, and none of you have ever thought to buy me flowers.  And YouTube thinks that I have a problem?!
10. Refer back to step one.  Remember, guys.  I was actively involved in life before you came along.  Chances are, I'll still be busy with everything that kept me occupied before.  Definitely don't propose, but if you expect the relationship to advance beyond "friend zone," you're going to have to be the one to bring that up.  Be persistent if you need to be.  I'll let you know to back off if you enter "creepy" territory.

There you have it, guys.  A list of 10 steps to follow to get a girl (like me) to like you.  Now that I think about it, ladies, feel free to rename and use this list as "10 Attitudes that will Absolutely Keep you Single for Life."

Enjoy!

Improvement

"Gardens are not made by singing, 'Oh how beautiful,' and sitting in the shade."  Rudyard Kipling

Let's talk about home ownership for a second.  It's such a responsible grown up thing, owning a house.  Nothing screams, "Hey!  I'm an adult!" like buying a house.  Buying mine was actually a lot less dramatic than I expected-- it was just the natural process of things.  When it came, it came without fireworks.

Living in my house has turned out to be the dramatic thing.  Did you know that things in houses actually break down sometimes?  I didn't know that.  Nothing ever broke in my parent's house.  They had a magic sort of property that never needed maintaining.  That probably explains why I never had to repair anything in my parents' house.  My house is different.  It's like a temperamental three-year-old that loves me one second and wants to destroy me the next.

I've put a lot into my house too!  And still, it repays me with leaky toilets and unreliable appliances.  Is this what I get for giving you a sprinkler system, House?  Really?!  Rooms always need cleaning, even the rooms I never go into.  Add a couple of dogs and birds to the mix, and it's a party.  A party that I have to clean up after.  If I take a day off from cleaning, it looks (and smells) like a small family of raccoons has taken up residence in my main floor.

Don't even get me started on the yard.  Whose idea was it to buy the double lot on the corner?  It definitely couldn't have been my idea.  I'm much smarter than that.  Nonetheless, I'm stuck with something that keeps me occupied every weekend.  My weeds are the reason why I don't have a social life.

The yard has come a long way, though.  Since moving in, and with the help of my family, we've installed a sprinkler system, built a fence, laid sod, and put up a hammock.  (Personally, the hammock is my favorite.)  It felt so good to get those projects done.  I looked at my home and saw the immediate improvement and felt that we had really accomplished something.

Then something strange happened.  The sod kept growing.  Some weeds even poked their way through the sod.  I could put off mowing it, I suppose.  But, seeing as how I don't want to have jungle animals moving in and eating my dogs, it's become a weekly activity for me.  Mowing.  Assuming that the lawnmower decides to work, and it never does.  I try not to swear, unless I'm working in my yard.  Then my vocabulary changes a bit.

It's never done, maintaining and improving my house.  Should I choose to get lazy and neglect my duties as a homeowner, it might be all right for a while.  Eventually, though, people would notice.  Given enough time, the weeds would take over the yard, and the interior of the home would deteriorate.  I would have destroyed my house.  If I want this house to become my dream home, I'll have to continue putting in the work.  It's not enough to put in the lawn.  I have to mow it too.  And then I'll have to mow it again.

As I spent my time yesterday working in my backyard, I realized that I'm kind of like my house.  It's a lot of work to be done with me until I become the person I want to be.  I'm not talking about cosmetic changes either.  It's those imperfections inside my personality that really need my attention.  Should I choose to ignore my obligations as a person to improve myself, I may eventually find myself deteriorated inside and out.

And the learning and doing is never done.  I thought I already learned how to be patient at least a few dozen times, but I'm somehow still confronted with challenges that require me to practice patience.  I thought I knew how to be kind, until I realize that I'm sometimes not.  Bad habits, like weeds, have a way of creeping in uninvited if I'm not carefully and constantly pulling them out.  I suspect that this job will never be done, not anytime soon anyway.  Maybe somewhere in forever I'll end up being the person I'm meant to be.  Until then, I just best remember not to take any time off from trying to be that person today.

Now, back to soaking up the water in my flooded basement.

Missions

Hypocrisy is something that has always bugged me.  While I recognize that sometimes I fall into the hypocrite category, I promise that I try very, very hard not to.  I know that my true friends feel the same way.  However, it seems that recently several of my acquaintances (or not-as-close friends) have been posting on Facebook about attending "The Book of Mormon Musical," and then they go on to rave about it.  These are the same friends who teach tolerance and acceptance of others.  Shouldn't this tolerance extend to Mormon missionaries?

One reason why this hurts me so much is because I served a mission.  My father served a mission.  My brothers served missions.  My youngest brother is serving a mission now in Brazil, and words cannot express how deeply I miss him everyday.  Missions are a lot harder than you'd think.  My mission is the most difficult endeavor in which I've participated.  Yet, I guess it's OK to mock my efforts and those of my family, because the creators of South Park say it's OK.

Here's where I may sound the part of the hypocrite.  I've never seen the play, nor do I intend to.  I can't say, first-hand, that I know what it's about or what's said.  However, based on what little I have heard, here's what I do know:  The play is about Mormon missionaries in Africa who are oblivious to the circumstances of the world around them.  They skip around stage preaching about the "obviously crack-pot" Book of Mormon and its "equally crack-pot author" Joseph Smith.  The missionaries are portrayed as mindless drones who haven't ever had an original thought.  Nothing gets solved, insert vulgarity, and the play ends.

Let me tell you why that's not an accurate representation of a Mormon mission:

• Missionaries are not oblivious to the world around them.
• I served in New York City-- Spanish speaking.  My father served in the Sacramento, California area.  My brothers served in Brazil (Belo Horizonte East), Chile (Osorno), and Puerto Rico (San Juan East).  The youngest has been in Brazil (Joao Pessoa) for almost a year now.  Sit down with any one of us, and ask us what the hardest thing about our mission was.  We'll probably tell you that the hardest thing was watching others suffer.  During my time in NYC, I became more acquainted with poverty and sorrow than I thought existed, let alone in the States.  I comforted parents who lost a child.  I visited a man who had lost all mobility of his body and hadn't been out of his apartment in 8 years.  I knew a family who owned nothing more than the clothes on their backs and a mattress on the floor.  I met people who had even less than that.  I saw children without parents, and parents who had lost their children to drugs and gang violence.  I saw the abused, rejected, and lonely state of people who had given up on themselves.  I was not oblivious to this.  It was my everyday.  Those were the streets we walked-- those were the faces we met-- and those were the challenges we confronted.
• Missionaries are not mindless.  Missionaries are people who intentionally sacrifice their time and personal comforts for the benefits of others.  The choice to serve is very personally thought out and very painstakingly performed.
• To illustrate my point, let me make a list of some of the mission rules that one has to follow while serving a Mormon mission:  wake up at 6:30 every morning, study scriptures for 2 to 3 hours everyday, proselyte and serve the community from 11 or 12 until 9 at night, be home by 9:30 and in bed by 10:30, no T.V., no radio, no internet except e-mailing family once a week and Church websites, no calling home except Christmas and Mother's Day, no dating, no hugging members of the opposite sex, no music that is not Church related, one must wear missionary clothes (dress or skirt in my case) at all times unless exercising or participating in a physically strenuous service project, always be within sight and sound of your assigned mission companion unless using the restroom, you'll have 6 hours a week to do laundry and get groceries-- all other mission rules must still be followed during this time......  The list goes on.  We had a whole book dedicated to the rules we were required to follow.
• Missionaries pay to serve.  It's standard for a missionary to pay $400 every month in order to meet the needs of housing and other expenses.  All missionaries, regardless of where they are sent, pay this amount.  The Church, then, pools that money and divides the funds accordingly.  In my mission, we were given, in addition to rent money, $100 to $200 every month-- I don't remember the exact amount.  That money was to be used on everything else we'd need that month.  The missionaries in my mission actually had it pretty good-- we got more than most missionaries do.  NYC is an expensive place.
• Missionaries don't get to choose where or when they serve.  We're told what language we'll be expected to teach in.  When I was called to teach in Spanish, I could maybe ask where the bathroom was.  Nine weeks into my mission, I was expected to hold my own in a Spanish conversation.  I can only imagine how much more difficult it could have been had I needed to learn Chinese or Finnish or Russian.  New language.  New culture.  And we don't have a say in any of it.  If that's not faith, I don't know what is.
• Missionaries leave behind their lives-- they leave behind themselves-- in order to preach what they believe.  This part was so hard for me, even though I had a supportive family cheering me on.  My little brother is working with another missionary right now, a native Brazilian, who is the only Mormon in his family.  Sometimes families even go so far as to disown their Mormon children who decide to go on missions.  Quite literally, missionaries have sacrificed their families to serve.  I gave up jobs, boyfriends, the opportunity to watch my niece grow up, the chance to attend my college graduation ceremony, and so many other things to serve.  Yet, these sacrifices pale in comparison to what some give.  What about the missionary who leaves a terminally ill mother, knowing that she'll probably be dead before he gets home?...  It's happened.  The next time you come across the missionaries, maybe you could ask them what they gave up to be missionaries.  Their answers might surprise you.
• A mission is, very literally, full time.  No days off.  No holidays.  For 18 months to 2 years, a missionary's life is not their own.  And they're better off for it.
•  The teachings found in The Book of Mormon do change lives and improve circumstances.
• Whether one is religious or not, the principles taught within The Book of Mormon make lives better for those who adhere to them.  It teaches men to be good, responsible husbands and fathers.  It teaches them to treat their wives as equals, and it teaches women to demand that they be treated equally.  It teaches women to be noble and to not be afraid to stick up for themselves or their families.  It teaches children to respect their parents.  It teaches people to respect each other.  It teaches that all should work hard, do their best, take what they need, and give whatever they can to help others.  It teaches that there is injustice in the world, yet that injustice need not cripple a person's resolve to live a good and happy life.  Aren't these the kinds of things you would want people to believe?  Because in believing and following such things, people change.  They become better.
• Some circumstances can't be changed.  No amount of scripture study was going to make my friend, the one who couldn't leave his apartment, walk again.  However, something the Book of Mormon so clearly teaches is that good can come out of hard things.  It gives clarity and perspective of what's really important in life.  The Book of Mormon may not be able to literally solve all of the world's issues, but it certainly makes those issues bearable.

So, friends, if you want to see The Book of Mormon Musical, I'm not going to stop you.  You have the right to do that.  But, please, remember as you watch that there are real missionaries living in the real world who sacrifice and work so hard to help others.  This "show" is insulting to them, to those of us who have served, and to the families who miss their missionaries terribly.

Also, if you must see the musical, don't forget to read the Book too.  It's better anyway.

Goals

"I am so thoroughly convinced that if we don't set goals in our life and learn how to master the techniques of living to reach our goals, we can reach a ripe old age and look back on our life only to see that we reached but a small part of our full potential.  When one learns to master the principles of setting a goal, s/he will then be able to make a great difference in the results s/he attains in this life."  M. Russell Ballard

From the time I was a tiny thing, I dreamed of doing big things.  Really big things.  I somehow inherently knew that this world has a lot of good to offer, and I always wanted to take advantage of that.  Life was always this big adventure that I could experience.  My poor mother must have gone crazy trying to keep me entertained growing up, because I always felt so anxious to go out and experience things.

It wasn't really until serving a mission in New York City that I was able to rein in my ambitions and organize them thoughtfully.  While I was working as a missionary, I realized that I had already accomplished a lot of things on my "to do" list.  However, I felt the need to continue to write down my goals-- however silly or insignificant it seemed at the time.  After all, it's my life, and I ought to live it as fully as I can.

Setting goals isn't enough, though.  Steps have to be actively taken in order to reach those goals.  SO, to keep myself more accountable to those goals which I've set, I'm going to post some of my goals here.  Hopefully that will keep me motivated to continue dreaming AND achieving.

*goal is ongoing or is in progress
goal has been achieved!

*1.  get a Master's degree
2.  add some kind of Spanish emphasis to my current degree, or have it included in my Master's degree
3.  become a homeowner
4.  find a full-time teaching position
*5.  write (in some cases, rewrite) the novels I have swimming around in my head
*6.  volunteer to work with a children's choir
7.  SCUBA certification
8.  learn how to cut hair (cosmetology school?)
9.  massage therapy school... just for fun
10.  motorcycle license
11.  study Judaism and the Hebrew language to help me better understand Christianity
12.  play the violin in a symphony orchestra
*13.  learn to sew well enough that I could make and/or tailor wedding dresses
14.  take gourmet cooking classes
15.  serve another mission
16.  become a volunteer temple worker
17.  learn to play the guitar
18.  learn to play the harp
19.  learn to jump-serve in volleyball
20.  learn another language besides Spanish (maybe Korean to talk with my pen pal in her language?)
21.  learn to play the harmonica really well
22.  play the bagpipes at least once
23.  go on an international roadtrip to visit temples
24.  participate in a real archaeological dig
*25.  become a cake decorator-- a really good one
*26.  help missionaries get people to church
*27.  take care of missionaries on the holidays
28.  learn to read the tenor clef (it's a musician thing)
29.  memorize Wedding March, Pachabel's Canon, etc. -- so I can play at weddings when asked on the spot
30.  master making pottery using a pottery wheel
31.  learn a martial art
35.  build a dollhouse
36.  finish a marathon
37.  compose a song in Spanish
*38.  grow flower and vegetable gardens
39.  visit a real princess castle
*40.  get a concealed carry permit
42.  learn to snag fish in Alaska-- apparently it's really fun
44.  go to Disneyland
45.  get really good at golf
47.  get really good at horseback riding
49.  attend an Olympic games as a spectator
50.  swim with sharks
51.  attend a 49ers game with my brothers in San Francisco
52.  learn to work on cars-- maybe even rebuild a classic
53.  volunteer at a hospice
54.  make a family history website
55.  learn to play the trapset
56.  crochet, knit, and embroider
57.  publish a children's picture book about a dog from the Bronx named Bear and his pigeon sidekick Nubbers
58.  make a mission slideshow using mission photos from my brothers and myself
*62.  manage my finances
63.  write to troops serving overseas
*64.  spoil my nieces and nephews
68.  learn to throw a spiral, even though I'm pretty sure my hands are too small to physically do it
69.  meet my pen pal in person-- trip to Korea!
*71.  stay in touch with those I met in New York
72.  send my mom and her sisters on a trip to Europe to see Switzerland and wherever else they've always wanted to go
*73.  get a 6-pack, not the pop, the abs
*74.  learn to play the ukulele

AND, for fun

75.  travel through time and space with the Doctor, Captain America, and that one actor from the Bollywood movie Dil Bole Hadippa

I'm sure the list will continue to grow and change as new things become important to me.  For now, I think I've got my work cut out for me.

Purpose

Every time I get ready to see friends and family who I haven't seen in a while, I always brace myself for the inevitable question:  So, why aren't you married yet?  Usually it's followed up by:  Well, don't you want to have a family?  I've even had some go so far as to tell me that my life will be incomplete and unfulfilled if I don't manage to accomplish those things.

Let me tell you something:  Ouch.  Why am I not married?  Don't I want to have a family?  Those are questions to talk about later.  I want to talk about the third point-- about how my life is incomplete and unfulfilling as it is.  That's impossible.  I'm a teacher, and tomorrow is the first day.

Teachers don't always have it easy.  We get evaluated based on not only our performance, but also on how well our kids perform.  We teach what we're told to teach, sometimes in the way that we're told we must teach it.  We go to work early and go home late.  We buy materials for our kids using our own money.  We're criticized in local newspapers when our students don't progress at the rate non-teachers think they need to progress.  We stay up late thinking of ways to help those students do better next time.  We work on weekends, vacations, and even over summer break.  And, on top of all that, we deal with real little people who have real issues and personalities to pile on top of our already demanding workload.  And we do it all while only taking one bathroom break everyday.

I love my job, though.  We all know that teachers don't do what they do for the money.  There is no money.  Most of us aren't even in it for recognition or appreciation-- the thought doesn't even cross our minds.  We teach, because it's important.  It's purposeful.  For me, especially not having kids of my own, I can't think of a better way to spend my time.

Yes, it's hard.  It's extremely hard.  Just ask my mom:  She's the one who has to hear me sob on the phone whenever the going gets tough.  Seriously.  I never cry.  Unless one of my students is hurting, whether it be academically, physically, or emotionally.  With 25+ kids from year to year, that's a lot of emotion to juggle.  But it is so worth it.

Just last night we had our annual back to school BBQ.  It's hard to contain myself when old students stop by to see me.  "Hey, Miss," they say, "I wish you could be my teacher again."  Or, "Thanks, Miss, for helping me like math.  I'm really good at it now."  I especially love it when they tell me of their successes and aspirations.  For example, one of my former students told me last night how much she loved the SCUBA lesson I set up for her to take.  She wants to be a marine biologist:  When she's a leading expert on Shark Week, I'm sure I'll burst into tears of pride, knowing that I paid for her first SCUBA lesson.  That's a big deal-- not because of me.  Because of her.  It's always about the kids.  If I can help these kids reach just a portion of their potential, or if I can help them see that they set the boundaries of their potential, then I've done my job.  And I don't get to just teach that to a few of my own kids.  I get to teach that to 27 (or so) kids.  Everyday.

If I were a selfish person, I would agree with those who say that I'm incomplete.  But, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that my life has very little to do with me.  When I try to help my students be (not just do) their best, I find that--in turn--they challenge me to be my best.  I can't wait to start again tomorrow and see what kind of lessons my students will teach me this year.

I'm born to do what I do.  I love what I do.  AND, I get paid to do it.  So, no one can convince me that my life is without purpose.

Introduction

I'm not much for bandwagons.  In fact, it wouldn't be far fetched to say that I'm anti-bandwagon.  That's why I'm a little confused at myself for starting a blog.  All the cool kids have blogs, so I need one too, right?  I can't let all my Mormon housewife counterparts keep all the blogging fun to themselves, can I?  (Not that there's anything wrong with being a Mormon housewife.  My Mom is one of those, and I think she's great.)

In all honesty, I'm writing this blog for three reasons-- all of which are based on a need that I might as well address.

• Reason One:  I want to leave a record of what's important and good for my hypothetical posterity.  Is it any wonder that people gravitate toward their ancestors?  That people wonder from where they came?  Personally, I love going through my Gramps's journal entries.  Although he has passed away, I feel like I can still learn lessons from him:  I know what he saw as good and important.  While I recognize that I may not have posterity myself, I can certainly leave something behind for my nieces and nephews.
• Reason Two:  I want to educate my non-Mormon friends about the Mormon religion in a non-threatening way.  I'm not going to try to convince anyone to believe what I believe.  (Feel free to check out Mormon.org if that's what you want.)  Over the past several years, especially as political and social agendas have pushed religion as a topic of discussion, I've realized how easily facts can be taken out of context.  And, quite frankly, I think it's about time I confronted those misrepresentations so that my friends can get a very clear understanding of what a Mormon actually is.
• Reason Three:  I want to provide a unique voice and perspective for my friends who are Mormon.  I'm 26, pushing 27--which is practically 30.  I've been on my own for a while now.  I'm chronically single.  HOWEVER, let me make this very clear, I am NOT bitter.  Being single is an opportunity, not a defect.  I don't think I'm better or worse than my friends who were able to get married and start families.  I'm just different, and I hope that my perspectives can, perhaps, reach those who have become bitter, lonely, or dejected by retaining their single status for longer than anticipated.

 So... there you have it.  A blog written by a single, twenty-something Mormon girl.