Modesty

It's that time again.  That time when a collective, silent scream emerges from every teacher's ready-for-Thanksgiving Break-weary mind.  Halloween.  Classroom management tactics are put to the test as the count-down to Halloween begins (usually around the same time WalMart starts advertising for it).  Children find it hard to focus on lessons unless those lessons are directly related to how much candy they'll get or who'll have the best costume this year.  And it doesn't end at Halloween either.  The day after Halloween is much, much worse.  Students are either on a sugar high (and passing candy to each other like it's cocaine) or on a crash that leaves them asking to see the nurse every five minutes.

I get it, though.  Halloween is fun.  It's a nice escape from reality when we're entitled to wear a costume, act like someone else, and be a little silly.  (I guess Comic Con is pretty much the same... but I digress....)  This year, I'm going to be Belle from Beauty and the Beast.  As I try on my nearly-finished costume, I can't help but want to start singing about how boring my provincial life is.....  Candy is always a plus.  I even like those peanut butter chewy candy things that my siblings hated.

Here's what I think is awful about Halloween, though, and it's definitely a problem us girls need to address.  Modesty.  There's something goofy about Halloween that would turn an otherwise wholesome girl into a whorish play boy bunny.  (I don't capitalize it, because it doesn't deserve to be.)  I don't care if it's Halloween or Mardi Gras or a cruise vacation:  We need to stand our ground, stick to our modesty, regardless of the occasion.  In the words of Jeffrey R. Holland, "We never check our religion at the door."  Even a person who isn't religious can find purpose in dressing modestly at all times. 

I'm not saying everyone has to dress like an Amish person (not that there's anything wrong with that).  Nor am I saying that a woman's body is shameful.  (Please, friends, you're talking to a girl who used to work at Victoria's Secret.)  What I am saying is that the way we dress says a whole lot about how we perceive ourselves.

Honestly, I don't understand the temptation to dress immodestly.  Growing up, I had a little (very little) purple tube top thing....  I hated that thing.  I tried it on once, and-- could you believe it-- it showed my belly-button!  Heaven forbid!  I couldn't have been more than 3 or 4 years old, and I felt uncomfortable showing my tummy to anyone.  No one had taught me to be that way, I just was.  I think most children--after getting over the running around the house naked stage-- understand that it's inappropriate to show too much of ourselves (if you know what I'm saying).

To this day, I would never consider wearing something revealing, and it's not because I don't think I could pull it off.  (You better believe I could rock that Wonder Woman costume.)  I don't do it because I know I could, but in so doing, I would destroy every effort I've made to be taken seriously as a thoughtful, meaningful person.  Does dressing immodestly get a woman attention?  Absolutely.  Can it give her the upper-hand in her interactions with men?  I suppose it depends on what she's trying to get at....  Seriously, girls, if you have to sink to such vile tactics to seek attention and approval, perhaps you need to take a long look at your self-esteem.  No truly confidant woman (or girl) would ever need to seek attention or approval from anyone, because she already achieved approval from herself.  Love yourself.  Leave that nasty nurse costume in the store (where it belongs).

It all boils down to respect.  Do I respect myself enough to be appreciated for who I am and not what I look like?  Do I respect my body enough to present it to the world in a way that doesn't diminish its value?  Do I respect men enough to help them maintain virtuous conduct in their interactions with me?  Do I respect the children in my life enough to set an example of modesty for them to follow?  Do I respect God enough to portray my body in a way that is pleasing to Him?

When I look at the great women of this world, I can't think of one who would allow herself to be objectified.  Not on Halloween.  Not in a bathing suit.  Not ever.  Modesty isn't old-fashioned.  It's a necessity for girls who wish to be truly happy.

Because modesty is so important to me, I love to help others find places to shop for modest clothes.  Check out a few of my favorite sites:

http://www.downeastbasics.com/

http://www.mikarose.com/

http://junieblake.com/bottoms.html

Introvert

I was planning on finishing a sewing project tonight, but after realizing I couldn't tell one side of the fabric from the other, I decided I better call it quits, for a seamstress without her wits about her may accidentally turn a dress into a pillowcase.  Better to mess up a blog (and subsequently lose any respect I may have had) than destroy expensive fabric.  That's my motto.

I've been thinking a lot about personality lately, particularly when it comes to the personalities of my kiddos.  Sometimes it's easier than others to get their personalities to mesh, but when all a teacher has is one classroom to keep them in, creative measures have to be taken to make sure everyone gets along.  I'm lamenting some students in particular today-- why can't we all just get along?  On the bright side, they didn't break out into any Apache knife fights today, so I guess I can consider today a successful one.

I realize that most of my classroom squabbles stem from misunderstanding and personality diversity.  All of my students are, basically, looking at the same thing, but each is seeing something completely different.  When it comes to most group tasks, my heart especially goes out to my little introverts.  Poor things....  We'll talk about their predicaments later.

In college I found that one of my favorite areas to study was Personality Psychology.  I clocked a lot of hours researching personality types based on age, gender, culture, birth order (oldest, middle, youngest), etc.  Interesting stuff, it is.  My favorite personality test is the Myers-Briggs test (MBTI).  In a nutshell, a person is rated on four aspect of how they perceive the world and react to it.  If you've got a few minutes to kill, you can take the test here:  http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

I'm an INFJ personality, which is, according to research, the personality possessed by only 1% of the population....  and Adam Sandler.  Here's a little about what my personality type says about me (and I actually agree):  http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html

I highly encourage anyone to take the MBTI and Google their personality type.  It's fun, unless you're the type who would doesn't think it's fun.  If you're that type, it wouldn't be fun for you.

ANYWAY, let's focus back on the INFJ thing.  The "I" stands for "introvert," and I am the poster-girl for introversion.  I can SO relate to those students who dread the words "group work."  I dread those words too.

The more I'm forced to live in the outside world, the more I realize how ill-equipped some are at dealing with a true introvert, SO (drum roll, please) here's a list to help you, just in case you're one of those people who doesn't know how to handle being around an introvert:

Things Introverts Like

1. spending time alone
2. spending time with others but not having to talk much-- just sitting in each others' company is fine
3. reading
4. writing (obviously)
5. creating things
6. expressing themselves through music
7. expressing themselves through art
8. nature
9. having meaningful conversations with family and close friends
10. working by themselves

Things Introverts Hate

1. asking for help
2. small talk
3. having to talk when they're deep in thought
4. group projects
5. surprise parties... any parties, really
6. having to share information about themselves with strangers
7. developing friendships quickly
8. spending extensive lengths of time with others
9. running into acquaintances at the store (see number 2 above)
10. when others tell them they need to be more extroverted

I understand that, to a natural extrovert, that I might seem grumpy, irresponsible, cowardly, and shy.  That isn't the case, though.  I'm not grumpy, I just don't attach easily to others.  I only reveal myself to my deepest and truest family and friends, and only after having trusted them for a long time.  Speaking only out of formality is a burden.  Even a hearty, "Good morning!" to co-workers as I walk into school each day takes a lot out of me.  Morning time is my best thinking time, and I hate to have my thinking interrupted by socially acceptable chatter.

I'm not irresponsible either, only one who needs time and space to work through problems internally before taking action:  Just because I don't answer questions or respond to comments immediately doesn't mean I'm ignoring them.  It means I'm truly taking them to heart and pondering appropriate actions to take.  When I don't have time to ponder over my responses, even in conversation, I'll feel flustered.  There have been many-a-time when I've said something I don't mean, or I've said things in an unintended manner, only because I wasn't given sufficient time to consider my response.

I'm not cowardly or shy, in spite of what others might think.  Personally, I can speak, sing, and/or perform in front of dozens, 100s, even 1000s of people without batting an eye.  I find that kind of communication more as expression than conversation.  I view my teaching in the same way.  It's deep and meaningful.  However, ask me to communicate directly with one or two people who I hardly know, and I won't have much to say.  I like to listen, and I only like to talk when I have something important to say.

I know that, generally, we live in a extrovert's world, and I do my best to fit in.  However, I know that if an extrovert could glimpse into the world that I see inside myself, they might begin to understand the complexity of an introvert's world.  So, please, be kind to your introvert friends.

Evaluation

It's been a while.  I blame Netflix.  Specifically, I blame the Korean drama "Boys Over Flowers."  Who knew that Koreans have such frustratingly great TV?  I only recommend watching it if you want your house to go uncleaned for a solid... however long it takes you to get through 25 hour-long episodes.

Anyway, it's been a couple of interesting weeks at work.  Due to a new law in Colorado, all teachers must be evaluated on an extensive rubric.  (If you're really curious to see what I'm up against, feel free to check out the link:  http://www.cde.state.co.us/sites/default/files/TeacherRubric.pdf )  Being the perfectionist I am, this new evaluation system doesn't bode well for me, seeing as how no ordinary person, even the best teachers, are not capable of achieving all that this rubric requires of them.

I've spent hours pouring over this evaluation form, trying to create some kind of feasible game-plan on beating it.  Realistically, those should have been hours spent thinking about my students rather than myself.  It's an unfortunate reality many of us teachers face as politicians and third-party-businesses demand more presence in our classrooms.

In a way, it's been good for me.  I'd forgotten what it feels like to be so dehumanized by rubrics and evaluations.  Yet this is something my students go through everyday.  They're evaluated constantly.  They're a series of numbers and checks.  Names don't matter and individual talents don't count (unless it's on the evaluation).

After experiencing some disappointing test results last week, I came home this weekend and reflected on that teacher evaluation.  I realized that, chances are, I'll never be an "advanced" teacher.  If I'm lucky, I'll maybe squeeze out a "proficient" score this year.  But that's OK, because I've decided that Colorado politicians can take this evaluation and shove it where the sun don't shine.  I'll continually strive to be a better teacher, but I won't do it for them and their fancy check-lists.  I'll do it because it's what my students deserve.

 While we're on the topic of unrealistic expectations, here's another example of an evaluation that I hate.  Here are the unspoken cultural expectations of a Mormon girl:
 

UNSATISFACTORY	PARTIALLY PROFICIENT	PROFICIENT	ADVANCED	EXEMPLARY
Get married look cute all the time (if in Utah) poof hair to unnatural heights, get a fake tan	Perpetually behave like a Disney princess Always agree with what the husband says/does Never have an original thought	Have children, preferably by the dozen Master the art of the funeral potato Jell-o salad	Bake cookies Bake lemon bars Bake cinnamon rolls Bake bread Bake all the things	Kids are always happy and well behaved Husband is always happy and well behaved You're perfect

I think I've made it pretty clear that I love the doctrines of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I believe these doctrines with every piece of myself.  Mormon culture, though, can really irritate me at times.  I'm not "unsatisfactory."  I'm whatever category is beneath "unsatisfactory," because I haven't managed to do the important thing-- the ONE thing-- that every Mormon girl is "supposed" to have done by this point in her life.  I'm not married.  I don't have 3.75 kids.  Well, sorry...  Stupid evaluation.

Thankfully, I rid myself of that worthless rubric years ago.  I realized that there's no such thing as a one-size-fits-all rubric that evaluates everyone fairly.  The rubrics which have been crafted by others are ill-suited for me, just as I'm sure my self-evaluations would be ill-suited for them.  PS-- Each life is unique, has it's own set of challenges, and follows its own timeline.

The only opinion I really care about is God's.  In the eternal scheme of things, I doubt whether my Heavenly Father will care if I was "advanced" or "exemplary" according to the Colorado Department of Education or according to an imperfect culture.  He'll care if I was kind, if I was patient, if I was obedient to His commandments.  When all is said and done, for better or worse, it won't matter what the other evaluations say.  In the end, it's my Heavenly Father's evaluation that really matters.

Redemption

So--I'm speaking in Church tomorrow, and, naturally, I had to wait until about an hour ago to actually prepare for it.  The topic I was given was "redemption."

Normally I don't like to post "preachy" things, but--seeing as how I'm actually going to preaching from a pulpit--I figured, why not?  My Mormon friends should understand everything pretty clearly, but--if anyone else has questions or needs more explanation about something--please, ask.

So...  Here it is.  Redemption:

Good morning, Brothers and Sisters:

In Moses 1:39, the Lord says, “For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.”

When working as a missionary, my companions and I decided that this is Heavenly Father's mission statement, His overall goal that explains why He does the things that He does. It explains why He asks us to behave in certain ways and to become a certain kind of person. It is to bring about our salvation. Isn't it amazing that God's purpose is our ultimate and eternal happiness?

Our Heavenly Father knew, though, that it wouldn't be an easy undertaking. The scriptures say—both in the Bible and the Book of Mormon—that “no unclean thing can dwell in the Kingdom of God.” That “God cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance.” All sin—any sin—regardless of its severity and intention makes a person unfit to live with God.

That's why redemption is so important. Dictionaries define redemption as: deliverance; rescue; or as a payment for a debt. In our cases, as imperfect people, we need to be redeemed. Because we are separated from God, we need to be rescued. The debts of our sins must be paid before we can enter into the Kingdom of God. This is a debt that cannot be paid through our own efforts. Instead, we have to turn to Jesus Christ and the commandments He gives us. The Bible teaches us, “for God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.”

Jesus Christ, who is called our Redeemer for a reason, speaks often of redemption and grace. In fact, every one of His teachings revolves around His ultimate purpose of helping us achieve perfection.

One parable in particular comes to mind. It's found in the New Testament, in Luke Chapter 15. It reads, “Then drew near unto him all the publicans and sinners for to hear him. And the Pharisees and scribes murmured, saying, This man receiveth sinners, and eateth with them. And he spake this parable unto them, saying, What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it? And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost.

I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.”


Brothers and Sisters, all of us are in need of repentance. Daily repentance. In the rest of this chapter, Jesus Christ gives two more parables that teach of the love of God and of His willingness to not only accept, but to rejoice in any of His imperfect children who turn to Him. When I was younger, I used to think of myself as one of the ninety-and-nine “good” sheep—the ones who never did anything wrong. As I grow older, I realize that I'm that lost little sheep. I'm the one who the Savior is seeking to save, because He thinks I'm worth saving. Even when I feel weighed down with guilt, or when I feel stained from my sins, the Lord is willing to take that away. Through Him, I am able to rid myself of that guilt and free myself of those stains. I can be clean again. In Isaiah 1:18, Christ promises us that, “Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”


I know that the Lord doesn't lie. If He says that I can be forgiven and that I can be clean, then it's true. In fact, He says that all of us—not just the good ones, the bad ones too—can and will be saved if we follow Him.


The Lord is very clear in His instructions as to what we must do in order to be saved. Jesus Christ, through His Atonement, performed His duties regarding our redemption. With the time I have left, I'd like to talk about we must do in return in order to be redeemed.


The first is baptism. As a missionary, I taught so many people who were afraid to be baptized. They didn't feel ready. Some were scared that they would offend God if they were to get baptized and then sin afterward. Brothers and Sisters, especially those of you who are considering baptism, I testify to you that it is God's will that all of His children be baptized. He knows that we are not perfect, and that's the point. Baptism is not the end goal, it is the first step of many in seeking our way back to Heavenly Father. Do not hesitate to partake in this wonderful gift, because only those who are baptized may be saved in the Kingdom of God. And any baptism won't do-- it must be a baptism performed by one who holds the proper authority of God, the Priesthood. That Priesthood is found only in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.


After baptism, one must follow all the commandments of God. This includes following the Word of Wisdom and obeying the Law of Chastity. This includes paying tithing, taking the Sacrament, and serving others. Naturally, all of us fall short here. Many people, even after baptism, give up at this step. It may not always be easy, but it will always be worth it in the end.


We must make covenants in the temple. Another step that we sometimes forget is the importance of making covenants in the temple. Because temples are so sacred, I won't go into detail, but I know how necessary temple covenants are to our salvation. Just like baptism, a person cannot be saved in the Kingdom of God without first making certain covenants in the temple. Also, it is only through temples that we can live with our families forever. Without temple covenants, we will be separated from our family relationships at death. If we want to be saved as families, temple covenants are crucial.


Finally, as we seek our personal redemption, we must also help others seek for theirs. One of my favorite sayings is, “Help thy brother's boat across, and, lo, thine own has reached the shore.” As we help others in their journey back to Heavenly Father, we help ourselves back as well. We can help others as we assist the missionaries, as we share the Gospel with our friends, and as we teach the children in our families what they must do to be saved. I can't speak from experience, but as I look at my nieces and nephews—knowing the love of an aunt—I can't imagine anything much more important than seeing that these little souls are saved. Another aspect of helping others return to God relates back to the temple. Every soul that ever was, that is, or ever will be will eventually have the chance to accept the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Through the Priesthood, and because Heavenly Father is so loving, we are able to do baptisms and temple work for those who were unable to do it for themselves in life. Even in death, our Heavenly Father gives us opportunities to accept His blessings, but—for those who have passed on—they are unable to enjoy these blessings without our help. We need to do temple work for them, and we start that process by doing our family history.


Is it worth it to do all these things? Satan would have us believe no. He tries to distract us with pride, possessions, and popularity. He tries to tempt us with things that aren't important, with things that don't last. Something interesting is that God will allow us to choose that path, if it is what we really want.


The Book of Mormon says in 2 Nephi 10:23, “Therefore, cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves—to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life.”


If we choose to keep the commandments, our Heavenly Father promises us all that He has—not just in part, ALL of His kingdom. Jesus Christ has kept, and will always keep, His promises to us. If we keep our promises to Him, we will surely be redeemed.


In 3 Nephi 9:14 the Lord made a promise to His people. This promise still stands today. He says, “Yea, verily I say unto you, if ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal life. Behold, mine arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive; and blessed are those who come unto me.”


And I say these things in the sacred name of our Lord and Redeemer, even Jesus Christ. Amen.

Value

So, not another Gingersnap post.  Sorry.  Maybe I'll vomit out another chapter tonight.  We'll see.  I have something else on my mind that I feel like needs saying first.

A few recent events have prompted me to reflect on value--how much something might mean to us.  How many of us have ever found ourselves checking price tags to see if we'd be willing to pay for something?  I'm certainly positive that I'm not the only one who has ever picked up a/n [insert super cool must-have item here] and said, "This is amazing!  But not [insert its dollar value] amazing."  Example:  These shoes are adorable!  But not $90 adorable.  That's my judgment call.  Someone said that the shoes were worth $90, and I have the option to disagree with that.  Maybe, to me, their value really sits at $20 or so.

We place value on things all the time.  Everyday, in fact.  We complain about the price of gas, the cost to live in our homes, and the ridiculous amount of funds it takes to receive a college education.  Yet most of us pay, because it's that important to us.  If it weren't, we would take our money elsewhere.

But what about things that aren't items or things or places?  Take, for example, my sweet baby Rogue.  She's not really a baby--she's a husky, and a spoiled one at that.  When people come over to my house for the first time, I warn them that there's dog fur everywhere, and that's just the way it is.  Because I value Rogue higher than I value my furniture.  She's my very best little buddy, and, quite honestly, is the only reason I don't stay at work until 8 or 9 every night.  Even though she's constantly spitting out her dog-food into random piles all over the house, I would still value her more than anything else that I own.  Someone else might see her as an irritating dog, and that's all right too.  She is irritating, but it doesn't matter so much to me, because I love her.  She is my everything.

Can we put a value on something like that?  How much is my husky really worth?  $400?  $500?  Maybe $1,000?...  To me, none of those values fit.  I don't think I could put a price on her.

What about people?  What is the value of a person?  Remember those "few events" I mentioned at the beginning of this post?  Well, let's talk about them now.

Three things this week that have retaught me the true value of a person:

• Miss America Pageant
• I didn't watch it this year... or any year since I was 5.  I saw a commercial for it though, and it got me to thinking about the girls who compete in these pageants.  What is their value?  When the winner is crowned, does that mean she's worth more than all of her competitors?  Is she worth more than the pudgy little girl who, while watching the pageant on TV, suddenly values herself less because valuable comes in only one size and one shape?
• Easy for me to say, right?  Other than having to get over the fact that I look like a Disney Princess incarnate, I've never had to struggle through self-image problems.  Seriously, I look like some kind of cartoon, but if I had to judge myself by Miss America standards, I'd say, "Bring it on."  (I'd have to throw my self respect out the window for that whole bikini thing, though.)  That's why I'm not thinking about myself in this case.  I think about my students, 9 and 10 year old boys and girls, who start to think that outward appearance equates with the value of a person.  I've had some of my students, girls particularly, tell me that they want to be like me when they grow up.  It's never because they think I'm smart, kind, responsible, or hard-working.  It's because they want to be skinny.  Why in the world are we teaching kids that a skinny person is more important than a smart, kind, responsible, and hard-working person?
• Let's refocus on those Miss America contestants.  Are they evil for perpetuating this "must be skinny to be worth something" attitude?  Maybe they're evil:  I really couldn't say, because I don't know them personally.  Maybe they're not.  That's not for me to judge.  What I can say, with all certainty, is that these girls have the exact same value as anyone else.  Their value is incomprehensible.  They are worth everything.  Just like that pudgy girl is worth everything.  Just like any person is worth everything.

• Parent Teacher Conferences
• I'm going to let you parents in on a little secret.  Parent-Teacher Conferences are terrifying!  Honestly.  I'm still new at this job, but even some of my seasoned veteran teacher friends still get jittery around conference time.  We're scared of parents!  I realized something interesting this last Thursday, though.  I realized that parents are scared of me!  I saw it in a father's eyes as he brought his son in for their conference.  I could tell that this father was petrified that I would tell him all of the dreadful things a parent hopes not to hear coming from their child's teacher.  I've found that most parents value their children about the same as the universe, times the universe, and still much more.  It's such a humbling thing as a teacher to recognize the importance of the collective class and also of the importance of the single individual.  As tiring as conference time can be, in a way it's rejuvenating in the fact that I'm reminded of the value of my students.  They are worth everything to their parents, so they had better be worth everything to me.  And the students who don't have parents who value them?  It's all the more reason for me to do so.
• What about the students who don't score well on tests?  What about the child who just can't quite read as quickly, or the student who can't remember what "7 * 8" is?  Are they less valuable?  Is the high school graduate or the college graduate more valuable than one who isn't as educated?  Does intelligence reflect the value of a person?  I submit that it does not.  That same father who came in who was afraid of me, both of us were nearly in tears at the end of the conference, because I also saw how brilliant his son is (not could be, is) even though his test scores may not reflect that.  We see the value in this boy.  It's everything.  Just like my kids who consistently score 100% are worth everything.  Just like my kids who scribble on their papers (and think they can get away with calling it a completed assignment) are worth everything.

• The Italian Family
• I'm not going to go into too much detail here, because I don't think service is something that should be bragged about.  I'll just mention that today as I drove into a grocery store parking lot, I found a man begging for money to feed his family.  I see it all the time, and regrettably,  I usually pass by.  I pass by because I don't want to be taken advantage of, and because I'm not wealthy enough to help everyone I see.  But, I felt very strongly, almost like driving into a brick wall, that I needed to turn myself around and go help that man.  When I parked my car next to where he was standing, I saw his family sitting behind him.  A wife, a 9 year old daughter, and a 2 week old baby.  She was beautiful.  Everything they owned was in their car, and it wasn't much.
• As I inquired as to the family's needs, I found out that they were an immigrant Italian family trying to make their way out to California.  They communicated in what little English they knew, and I communicated using what little Italian I know (i.e. Spanish).  In the short time I spent with them this afternoon, I was reminded of how much I really have; a roof over my head and food in my belly.  I have a reliable and enjoyable job and an expansive support system if that job were to fall through.  But that doesn't mean that my life is any more significant than theirs.
• When I offered to help the family in what ways I could, the mother kept saying, "Bless you, bless you.  Jesus love you."  I wish I could have communicated back to her the immense amount of love I knew that our Savior has for her and her family.  I know, without a doubt, that were it not for a loving God who sees this family being worth everything, I would not have stopped to help them.  Were it not for a loving Heavenly Father who slapped me (metaphorically) in the face and told me to turn my car around, I would have assigned them about the same value as any other sign I pass on my way to the grocery store.

The value of a person can't be described or explained, and that value is consistent regardless of outward appearance, intelligence, or wealth.  Talent doesn't make a person more important, and mistakes don't suddenly make a them less important.  And, for me, the only titles of true value in this world are mother, father, brother, sister, son, daughter, etc. those titles we give to our family members.

A twenty dollar bill is worth $20 whether it's new and crisp and clean, or whether it's been through the laundry a few times and then dragged through a muddy parking lot.  I know, especially after today's reminder, that there is a God who loves His children and who is always aware of them.  As broken, torn, and muddy as we may feel at times, He can't forget a single one of us, because we (collectively and individually) are His everything.

Enough

For those of my friends who live in the parts of Wyoming, Colorado, and Utah that have flooded, I hope that you're all safe and sound (and dry).  I've tried to get in touch with most of you already.  If not, please, call me if there's anything I can do to help.  I have running water and food in the fridge.  If things get worse, I have water stored and a full tank of gas.  I just hope I have enough if it comes down to actually needing it.

Enough is an important thing.  When we have enough food, we don't suffer from hunger.  When we have enough water, we are able to stay hydrated, clean, and healthy.   Enough money means less stress when it comes time to pay the bills.

Enough can be a curse too, really.  I've certainly been in the position to not think as highly of myself as I should.  I've been caught saying things like:  If I were smart enough, I'd pursue that higher degree.  If I were athletic enough, I'd try out for that team.  If I were talented enough, I'd audition for that role.  If I were dedicated enough, I'd be really good at (insert hobby here).  If I were skinny enough, I'd actually look good in this outfit.  If I were pretty enough, I'd be able to get a date....  You see-- enough can be an unhealthy thing if it becomes an obsession.

Exhibit A:  If I had been perceptive enough, I could have saved myself a lot of grief this week.  I've also seen enough rain, comforted enough crying kids, vacuumed enough water out of my basement, been inundated with enough tasks at work, worried about enough family members stuck in flooding areas, and buried enough beloved pets.  I've seen enough suffering, and--quite frankly-- I'm sick of it.  Enough is enough.

Last night I was asked if I'd take in a family who has lost their home in the recent flooding.  I don't know anything about this family.  I don't know their names, how many of them there are, where they lived, or how long they'll ultimately be relying on others for housing.  I'm not sure when they'll be arriving, or if they still plan on arriving at all.  Last night and this morning, as I've prepared my home to, perhaps, welcome this family, I realized what a task this is.  My inner-strength is already so depleted that I just don't feel like I have enough in me to take care of myself, let alone other people.  I just don't feel strong enough.  Or brave enough.  Or capable enough.

These circumstances remind me of a scripture in the Book of Mormon, Ether 12:27.  In this particular verse, a prophet is mourning the fact that he doesn't feel qualified ("good" enough) to fulfill the work he's been asked to do.  The Lord responds by saying, "... if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

I'm also reminded of a verse of one of my favorite hymns.  (I'll put the entire hymn at the end of the post.  For now, this particular verse seems especially appropriate for those of us surrounded by flood waters.):

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,

The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o'erflow,
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,

And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

(How Firm a Foundation, attr. to Robert Keen)

As I look ahead to what will be expected of me in the coming weeks-- as I prepare to take care of myself and my own sorrows, as I prepare to (maybe) open my home to a family who has experienced sorrow of their own, and as I think of all my students and their families who are without working houses and will need my emotional support-- I realize that I am not strong enough.  Or brave enough.  Or capable enough.  I'm just not.  But, through my faith, the Lord will, somehow, help me to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  He'll help me push along so that I can be strong, and brave, and capable.

May He do the same for all of you who, at this time and always, need Him too.


How Firm a Foundation

How firm a foundation, ye Saints of the Lord,
is laid for your faith in his excellent word!
What more can he say than to you he hath said,
Who unto the Savior for refuge have fled?

In ev'ry condition--in sickness, in health,
In poverty's vale or abounding in wealth.
At home or abroad, on the land or the sea--
As thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be.

Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o'erflow,
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

E'en down to old age, all my people shall prove
My sov'reign, eternal, unchangeable love;
And then, when gray hair shall their temples adorn,
Like lambs shall they still in my bosom be borne.

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake!

Eternal Families

Remember that forgiveness thing I just posted about?  Rather fortuitous, I'd say.  Today I came home to a surprise that broke my heart into teeny-tiny pieces.  On my living room floor I found a mess of feathers and a cage short one bird.  My sweet little Odysseus.  He used to sing and dance whenever I'd play the piano for him.  He'd actually let me hold him and scratch his head.  And there he was.  Scattered.

It's been a rough week already, and this seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back.  (I'm the camel.)  I keep thinking of all the things I could have done to prevent this from happening.  I can't help but feel it's all my fault.  Such a sweet little spirit, gone.  Because I'm not smart enough to lock the dogs up while I'm at work.

After coming to grips with the situation, I wrapped my little Odysseus up (what was left of him), kissed the wrapping, and placed him gently in a decorated box.  I set the box on the piano and played his favorite songs-- the ones he especially enjoyed.  Such a sweet bird.

The hardest part has been listening to his wifey, Penelope.  She relied on him a lot.  She has this special call that she does whenever she's separated from him....  Poor little gal has been calling for him all evening and all night.  Before sitting down to write this, all I could do was crouch by her cage and apologize, over and over, that her sweet-heart left us so unexpectedly.  My stomach collapses even now when I think of her sitting in that cage by herself tonight, no one there to cuddle her and keep her warm.  I've never lost a spouse, but I see a little of myself in Penelope as she sits there alone.

It takes me back to all those times when I've comforted the widows I've known.  In a way, now when I look at my Penelope, I see them.  One day, they were enjoying the company of their beloved, and the next-- well... the next, they're entirely and utterly displaced as they try to make sense of their new life.

Most people, I think, have felt that.  All people should expect to feel this loss at some point.  I think that we should, because feeling loss helps us to recognize that whatever we lost meant something to us.  I think this loss is sensed the greatest, at least for me, when a family member is lost.

How thankful I am that death is not the end!  To know that, through following the teachings of Jesus Christ, I can be reunited with my family.  My family will always be my family.  My grandparents, parents, siblings, and all other family members are bound to me, and I am bound to them, if we can stand fast in our resolve to live correctly.  What a wonderful thought that, someday, should I ever get married and have kids that those family members will be mine for eternity too.  I don't believe that Heavenly Father gives us something so perfect as our families only to take them away forever.

Something that Mormons are often criticized for is our belief that, even in death, a person can choose what to believe and what to follow.  Everyone is given the chance to accept the truths that will save them, whether they hear those truths in life or in death.  Every family that has ever been, that is, or that ever will be has that same blessed opportunity to seal themselves together, to never suffer separation again.

Death is only a temporary goodbye.  Families are meant to be eternal.  Right now, I hope that it's the same way for birds.