Marriage: For Time and All Eternity

This last Thursday marked a very important day in the history of my family.  My big sister married my new big brother in the Temple.  The ceremonies are always very simple but very powerful by nature.  In Mormon culture, you might hear of people being "sealed" rather than being married.  That's because a marriage is "until death do us part."  A sealing is "for time and all eternity."

After the ceremony, we met up at the location of the reception.  Words really can't do justice to how much fun those receptions are.  It's a genuine celebration of two people, and their children--whether current or future, making one giant step forward in their eternal progression.  It's a celebration of sincere gratitude that a family is to be eternally intact.  Personally, I spent the night dancing with the cutest people at the wedding-- my nieces and nephews.  When it was finally time to pack up for the night, all of the kids starting wailing in unison:  That's how I know that we had had a successful evening.  Then came clean up and going home our separate ways.

That's always the worst part.  Going home without the family.  Certainly circumstances sometimes need to take us in separate directions, but it doesn't make it any easier.  Especially not when a little niece sobs into your dress and whispers, "I will miss you.  I love you so much!"

My sister's wedding/sealing has everything, and nothing, to do with the subject I want to write about tonight.  It's a topic that's been weighing on my mind for some time now, one that I've felt burdened to address.  I've put it off, because I realize how sensitive of a subject it is, and I likewise realize that my thoughts on the matter may lose me some friends and family.  Please, understand that I'm merely trying to voice one side of an argument that isn't often expressed.  I recognize that I'm setting myself up to sound an unprogressive bigot with an uneducated mind and a closed heart.  I recognize that I'm setting myself up for criticism and hateful rebukes-- that some might call me condescending or self-righteous.  But, I guess that's OK.  Some really great people have been called those things before, so I suppose I'll be in good company.

So-- let's get down to it.  Let's talk about gay marriage.  But, before we do, let me illustrate some points that I have been taught and believe are true, so that the foundation of my argument makes sense.

• There is, in fact, a God.
• God is God, and I am not.
• God is, in a very literal way, a Heavenly Father whose purpose is to help us achieve perfection and eternal happiness.
• The surest way to achieve that perfection and eternal happiness is through following the commandments of God.  Those who do not follow these commandments cannot enjoy their full potential in life or in the life to come.
• The thing that will give us the greatest eternal happiness is being eternally "sealed" (or belonging to) our families.
• The family consists of a mother, a father, and their children.
• No one is perfect.  Everyone is has a personal set of challenges that best mold our spirits into what Heavenly Father would have us become.  If we trust Him enough to overcome those set of challenges.  God doesn't give us the challenges, but He does allow us to struggle through them.

If these things are not true, then I'll be the first to jump on the bandwagon and rally for gay marriage.  Here's the other thing, though, that I believe, which has caused a great deal of soul searching on my part:

• An individual should be allowed to choose which path they'll take in life.  No one should ever be forced to conform to someone else's beliefs.

You see how a girl could get confused?  On one hand, I have the desire to uphold all the commandments of God and to encourage others to do so.  On the other, I don't want to force others to live in a way which causes them great sorrow.  For the longest time, I couldn't seem to see how those two concepts coexist.  I think I have it figured out now.

The answer is love.  Pure love-- without malice or expectation of reciprocation.  It's God's love for us.  It's our love for Him.  It's our love for each other.  This, above all else, is the key to answering our "dilemma."

Let me put it this way:  My classroom window faces our school parking lot.  (This will make sense-- I promise.)  There's a door by the window that leads directly to the front of the school and parking lot as well.  One day, I noticed some students playing in the parking lot after school let out.  They were running along the curb where the school busses usually park.  I know that these students had been instructed not to do this, because I-- along with many other teachers-- had warned these students to be safe, especially when waiting for the bus.  Still, though, they made their choice.  Their choice was to play on the curb.  Let me ask this:  should I have been a person who would stand by and let them choose that option?  Shouldn't it just be all right with me to let them do with their lives what they want?  Because I love all the students at my school, to some degree, I absolutely could not stand by and let them risk endangering themselves.  I ran from my room and pulled those kids back to the safety of the grass just as the busses pulled in just where they had been running.  Then, I gave them a very stern lecture about how I was worried for their safety and that better choices were necessary if they expected to stay away from danger.

Think back, then, on the principles I believe.  That God loves us.  That He can see dangers that we cannot, and that He sets up the rules and guidelines accordingly.  I have to realize that going contrary to His teachings can be just as spiritually dangerous to an individual as playing in front of oncoming traffic can be physically dangerous to a child.  So, I can either stand aside and watch people put themselves in these precarious positions-- that will not end well eternally-- or I can love my neighbor enough to do everything in my power to keep them from that danger.  It's not because of bigotry, hatred, or misunderstanding.  It's because of love.  How can I stand by and watch a beloved child of God hurt themselves?

I also have to realize, especially when it comes time to vote, that it doesn't really matter what I say or what society says is correct.  While, yes, I believe that people should be free to choose, I have to remember that I don't really make the law.  The laws have already been irrevocably decreed in Heaven-- I don't know why they have to be the way they are.  They just are.  No amount of votes is ever going to change what is already set.  Even if we vote and decide that the sky is now made of marshmallow crème, even if everyone agrees to it, we still will not have changed the sky.  Not really.  God is God, and we are not.  I, then, don't vote for how I believe the law "should" be.  I vote based on how Heavenly law was, is, and always will be.

I'm a jerk, huh?  I know that philosophies like this really dig deep and hurt a lot of people who deserve to feel accepted.  Who deserve to feel loved.  Who deserve to lead fulfilling lives.  I don't begin to claim to understand the struggles a homosexual faces-- I can't imagine how difficult their particular set of challenges must be.  Quite frankly, it's not my right to even say that I'm better, just because my set of challenges is different.  Again, that's why love is so important.  That's why love needs to be the motive in all we do.

While I may not understand what it's like to be told that my body shouldn't function a certain way, I do understand what it's like to wait.  I know what it's like to feel different and judged.  I know what it's like to be told that I'm living my life incorrectly.  I know what it's like to feel misguided and manipulated by others to fit into their mold of what they think I should be.  It hurts.  But it's a necessary part of life if one expects to be refined.  That's the point.  We just have to decide, do I trust and love God enough to overcome this, or do I give in to my natural and carnal self?  Do I take the easy way out-- instant gratification?  Or do I fight the fight until the battles won and God is able to bless me with more than I could have ever imagined?  Do I love Him enough to overcome the unholy person I'm inclined to be?

Again, I want to say that these thoughts are not meant to hurt or demean.  These thoughts are meant to breed understanding of where I, and so many others, stand.  I don't mean to criticize or make little of others' situations.  I do, however, mean to love my fellow man enough to encourage all to "come unto Christ and be perfected in Him."  Because that's what life, marriage, and family is all about.