Today was one of those days where I had to stay in a little later than expected. Upon coming home, I rushed the dogs outside and then made my rounds of the house to see if anything interesting had happened to it while I was at work. (You never know. Maybe someday someone will break in and leave an itinerary for a paid SCUBA vacation on my table. It could happen.) Anyway, as I was checking one of the downstairs bedrooms, I noticed that one of my dogs just couldn't wait to be let out. He decided it would be all right to take a number two on my beige carpet.... Not a very good surprise to come home to. I'd definitely prefer that SCUBA vacation.
Now, I realize that I could spend the rest of the night shunning the poor dog for doing what he needed to do. Or I can forgive him for being what he is-- a dog who just can't hold it in when he needs to poop. I know the option that he'd prefer, and-- honestly-- it's the option that I'd prefer too. There are enough important things to worry about, and this isn't one of them.
Of course, there are situations when it's all right to forgive but NOT forget. If some kid keeps using my EXPO markers (which are in high demand in 4th grade) and breaking them, I'm not going to hold it against him/her forever and ever. However, unless s/he learns how to take care of my stuff, s/he definitely isn't going to get to borrow any more markers. Being naive and being forgiving are two different things.
I'm getting a lot better at forgiving, and I think it's because I'm not quite as proud as I used to be. Isn't it interesting how forgiveness goes along with so many other virtues-- humility, compassion, love? I find that when I'm primarily concerned with myself, I tend to be very defensive. Everything is about me, and every wrong done against me is taken very personally. I'm not so likely to forgive. However, when another becomes my primary concern, I find that it's not only easy, but natural to forgive those who trespass against me.
Here are some situations where I've found that forgiveness is so crucial:
- Forgive yourself. I've made so many stupid mistakes in my life, and I've been there for every single one of them. The question I have to ask myself is, "Am I a person worth forgiving?" Well-- I know that the value of any person is so immense that it's incomprehensible. While I don't always feel it, I have to recognize that I fall into that category too. As I tell my students everyday, making mistakes is a great way to learn.... I've sure learned a lot.
- Forgive family. More than anything. This one. I'm sure I've annoyed and hurt my family more than my family has ever annoyed or hurt me. I'm a brat. Ask anyone in the family. I'm the diva. Good thing that they've forgiven me my shortcomings. I'm still invited to birthday parties and family gatherings. My family is still invited to mine. No matter what. Maintaining family relationships to me is more important than succeeding in any other endeavor. As David O. McKay has said, "No other success can compensate for failure in the home." A family that doesn't forgive is a family that cannot and will not survive.
- Forgive friends. Just as important as family are friends. The older I get, the more I realize how difficult it is to stay in touch with old friends. I also realize how difficult it is to make new friends. It's all the more reason to hold onto the friends who I have now. Good friends are hard to come by. Memories can't be recreated. Inside jokes can't be reused. Why throw those, and so much more, away for minor offenses?
- Forgive co-workers. I'm SO proud to report that I've never been offended by anyone at work. (Knock on wood.) Everyday, I'm surrounded by so many amazing teachers. I look up to all of them, and I take their suggestions and ideas to heart. I admire their dedication to not only our profession, but I also appreciate their dedication to their goals outside of work. How thankful I am that they haven't held grudges against me! That would make work so much more difficult than it needs to be. I suppose my students could also be considered my "co-workers." It's important that I forgive them their occasional ill tempers. I'd rather be outside at recess too.
- Forgive neighbors. I don't always agree with my neighbors' lifestyles, but I still like to know who they are. What could I possibly gain from brooding over the misdeeds of someone who happens to live in my neighborhood? Unless I feel sincerely threatened, it's just best to let some things go.
- Forgive the exes. I haven't been in many serious relationships, but I've been in a lot of casual ones. I definitely have experience in being rejected by those who I really, really, really, really liked. I've had guys break up with me to date my friends. I've been cheated on. I've been told that I'm just too (insert undesirable quality here). I've been told more often that not that I'm "an amazing person, but I just need to pursue what I have with so-and-so first." (I've been told that so much that I'm pretty sure I'm everyone's second-favorite person on the planet.) These kinds of situations hurt, and they don't get easier with experience, but there is closure. That closure doesn't come just by moving on: True closure comes from forgiveness.
- Forgive God. A younger version of myself used to think that doing good resulted in immediate and directly correlated good blessings.... A younger version of myself would grow up to be sorely disappointed. In the words of Jeffrey R. Holland, "Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come." One thing I love about my faith is our understanding of who God is: He's a compassionate Heavenly Father who loves us-- his kids-- perfectly. I don't think God ever curses with bad things. It's against His nature to want us to suffer. He's, rather, an understanding parent who lets us experience the consequences of our poor decisions and allows us to be exposed to harsh reality. Life isn't always great, but it's not His fault. I know, without a doubt, that when we hurt, Heavenly Father hurts too. He hurts so much for us, in fact, that He allowed for another of His children, Jesus Christ, to atone for every bad thing that has ever or will ever happen. How can I not forgive a God who prepared a way to make everything fair in the end?
- Forgive those who don't deserve to be forgiven. I find it difficult to forgive those who willingly hurt my family. I find it difficult to forgive politicians who destroy the country that I'm supposed to love. I find it difficult to forgive people who abuse children. I find it hard to forgive those who hurt, even kill, others unnecessarily. If anyone knows how to forgive these kinds of people, please, let me know. Right now, all I feel I can do about these situations is pray. Pray hard.
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