A Letter to My Nieces

Last week, I sat by one of my favorite people in the world during church. I'd tell you her name and show you a picture of how beautiful she is, but she's too special. She's my niece. She's going to be in the first grade next year. She loves swimming, candy, dogs, her brothers, and the Hulk.

She also likes her world to be compartmentalized, organized in the way things are “supposed” to be.

Before Church began, she nudged me and initiated a conversation we've had several times over the past year or so.

“Hey, Aunt Nicole.”

“Yes, Niece?”

“Are you married yet?”

“No, Niece.”

“Oh.... Did you find your husband, though?”

“No, Niece, I haven't.”

“Oh.... Maybe you should do that.”

“All right, Niece. I'll do that for you.”

Now, this isn't the first time we've gone through those motions, and I suspect it won't be the last. I know, because I used to be a lot like that. Trying to make sense of the world through the scope of an optimistic wannabe Disney princess. That's why I don't hold any animosity towards such an honest conversationalist. However, I would hope that my niece—all of my nieces, in fact—won't be met with terrible disappointment in the case that all their dreams don't come true in the ways they want.

So, nieces, here's a letter from me to you—maybe something you'll read when you're older. Just in case you're meant to learn some of the lessons that I've had to learn.

Here goes:

Dear Niece,

I hope you know how much I love you. You are amazing. I'm fairly certain the sun only wakes up every morning just so it can shine on you. You are everything to this family, and you are everything to me. I would never trade places with another person, because I would never give up the job of being your Auntie.

So, Niece, I'm a little further along this road of life than you. That doesn't mean I'm smarter or better, it just means I've maybe encountered a few things that you haven't yet. Just in case you do, I want you to remember these few things:

• There's no such thing as “supposed to be.” I was supposed to have done a lot of things by now. I'm supposed to be a world-renowned archaeologist. Or, at the very least, I'm supposed to have a show on the Travel Channel that pays for expensive vacations. (Thanks a lot, Samantha Brown for giving me unrealistic expectations.) I was also supposed to, believe it or not, be married about five years ago. I'm supposed to be a mom. But, of course, none of that happened, and who's to say that it will? “Supposed to be” doesn't happen very often, and that's OK. Because, as long as we are faithful to ourselves and the promises we make, “supposed to be” will always be replaced with something better than we could have thought up for ourselves. Don't get discouraged if something doesn't happen how, where, or when you expect it to. Keep going, be flexible, especially if your “happily ever after” doesn't include a castle and a prince. And remember that it takes a little pressure to make a diamond.
• Never wait to be rescued. Sometimes when things don't work out the way we want, it's easy to want to give up. It's easy to wish for someone else to save us from our problems or our bad feelings. I've felt that way too. Remember, though, that help might not come. But don't panic. You are a part of my family, so I know you were born strong. You have it in you to reach deeply, dig in your heels, and face your sorrows head-on. Don't ever wait around for someone else. Keep moving, keep living, and keep helping others as you do. Your life won't wait for you to live it, so don't you wait to live your life. Don't wait for happy to happen, because it's not a destination. Be happy along the journey, and you'll have no need of rescuing at all.
• Learn what you love. Do what you love. Of course, you'll need to make sure you make time for the good things in life. Keep everything in balance as best as you can. Find out what you enjoy doing, even if it's something strange or scary. (But, please, be safe about it.) Don't base your talents and hobbies off of what others think is cool. Make up your own mind about what's “cool” and what isn't. Use those talents and hobbies to make your life better. Use them to make others' lives better too. Learn how to work—hopefully using some of those skills you enjoy. Turn your passions into something positive—love your work. Work hard to earn all those good things you want for yourself. However, also learn when it's time to put work away and relax. Never stop doing those things you love.
• Be a potato, not an egg. Bad things happen to everyone. Everyone. As much as I don't want it for you, you'll have to deal with a lot of heart-ache. There's so much that can happen—and it should—like fighting with a friend, losing a beloved pet, or struggling with an ill-tempered teacher who just won't give you a better grade no matter how hard you try. You'll probably break up with a boyfriend or two. And that's the easy stuff. My advice is this, and it's kind of silly: be a potato. Not an egg. Here's why. When boiled, eggs get hard. Potatoes get soft. Niece, don't get hard. Don't let boiling circumstances make you angry or bitter or blaming. Instead, let them make you soft and humble. Let them make you teachable and kind and and understanding and forgiving. Especially forgiving. While others might call you weak, remember that some of the strongest people are also the most meek.
• Love with all your heart. The problem with loving too much is that it sometimes hurts when that love isn't reciprocated. Love much anyway. And I'm not just talking about a hypothetical prince charming either. I'm talking about anyone and everyone with whom you choose to spend your time. Choose to love them. You don't have to like everyone, but you should try to love them. Don't judge too harshly. (I wish I would've learned that a lot sooner that I did... still working on it.) If you get the chance, serve a mission. Your capacity to love others will grow, and you and they will be blessed for it. Love yourself too. Never look down on yourself. Never think you need to be more beautiful or smarter or funnier or “better” to get someone's attention. You don't have to compete—there's enough love to go around. Let that love start with you and spread.
• Remember that you're a princess and act accordingly. This is the most important part. You are a princess, and not the fairy tale kind. The real kind. You are a daughter of Heavenly Father who created you, loves you, and put you where you are for a reason. Your circumstances may change. They can get better. They can get worse, but—through it all—you need to remember who you are and remember your potential. A princess is inherently confident in her value, and she doesn't need to get others' approval to know that she's special. Keep the commandments. Live as God would have you live, and you'll be happy now, and you'll have your happily ever after too.

And, Niece, never forget that you are always welcome at my house for glow-stick dance parties.

Love you as big as the sky,

Me