Forgiveness

A teacher's schedule is often difficult to predict.  None of us follow contract time.  If we did, there's no way we'd have time to accomplish all of our daily tasks.  We wake up, everyday, knowing that we're going in early and coming home late.  The only question is how early and how late.

Today was one of those days where I had to stay in a little later than expected.  Upon coming home, I rushed the dogs outside and then made my rounds of the house to see if anything interesting had happened to it while I was at work.  (You never know.  Maybe someday someone will break in and leave an itinerary for a paid SCUBA vacation on my table.  It could happen.)  Anyway, as I was checking one of the downstairs bedrooms, I noticed that one of my dogs just couldn't wait to be let out.  He decided it would be all right to take a number two on my beige carpet....  Not a very good surprise to come home to.  I'd definitely prefer that SCUBA vacation.

Now, I realize that I could spend the rest of the night shunning the poor dog for doing what he needed to do.  Or I can forgive him for being what he is-- a dog who just can't hold it in when he needs to poop.  I know the option that he'd prefer, and-- honestly-- it's the option that I'd prefer too.  There are enough important things to worry about, and this isn't one of them.

Of course, there are situations when it's all right to forgive but NOT forget.  If some kid keeps using my EXPO markers (which are in high demand in 4th grade) and breaking them, I'm not going to hold it against him/her forever and ever.  However, unless s/he learns how to take care of my stuff, s/he definitely isn't going to get to borrow any more markers.  Being naive and being forgiving are two different things.

I'm getting a lot better at forgiving, and I think it's because I'm not quite as proud as I used to be.  Isn't it interesting how forgiveness goes along with so many other virtues-- humility, compassion, love?  I find that when I'm primarily concerned with myself, I tend to be very defensive.  Everything is about me, and every wrong done against me is taken very personally.  I'm not so likely to forgive.  However, when another becomes my primary concern, I find that it's not only easy, but natural to forgive those who trespass against me.

Here are some situations where I've found that forgiveness is so crucial:

• Forgive yourself.  I've made so many stupid mistakes in my life, and I've been there for every single one of them.  The question I have to ask myself is, "Am I a person worth forgiving?"  Well-- I know that the value of any person is so immense that it's incomprehensible. While I don't always feel it, I have to recognize that I fall into that category too.  As I tell my students everyday, making mistakes is a great way to learn....  I've sure learned a lot.
• Forgive family.  More than anything.  This one.  I'm sure I've annoyed and hurt my family more than my family has ever annoyed or hurt me.  I'm a brat.  Ask anyone in the family.  I'm the diva.  Good thing that they've forgiven me my shortcomings.  I'm still invited to birthday parties and family gatherings.  My family is still invited to mine.  No matter what.  Maintaining family relationships to me is more important than succeeding in any other endeavor.  As David O. McKay has said, "No other success can compensate for failure in the home."  A family that doesn't forgive is a family that cannot and will not survive.
• Forgive friends.  Just as important as family are friends.  The older I get, the more I realize how difficult it is to stay in touch with old friends.  I also realize how difficult it is to make new friends.  It's all the more reason to hold onto the friends who I have now.  Good friends are hard to come by.  Memories can't be recreated.  Inside jokes can't be reused.  Why throw those, and so much more, away for minor offenses?
• Forgive co-workers.  I'm SO proud to report that I've never been offended by anyone at work.  (Knock on wood.)  Everyday, I'm surrounded by so many amazing teachers.  I look up to all of them, and I take their suggestions and ideas to heart.  I admire their dedication to not only our profession, but I also appreciate their dedication to their goals outside of work.  How thankful I am that they haven't held grudges against me!  That would make work so much more difficult than it needs to be.  I suppose my students could also be considered my "co-workers."  It's important that I forgive them their occasional ill tempers.  I'd rather be outside at recess too.
• Forgive neighbors.  I don't always agree with my neighbors' lifestyles, but I still like to know who they are.  What could I possibly gain from brooding over the misdeeds of someone who happens to live in my neighborhood?  Unless I feel sincerely threatened, it's just best to let some things go.
• Forgive the exes.  I haven't been in many serious relationships, but I've been in a lot of casual ones.  I definitely have experience in being rejected by those who I really, really, really, really liked.  I've had guys break up with me to date my friends.  I've been cheated on.  I've been told that I'm just too (insert undesirable quality here).  I've been told more often that not that I'm "an amazing person, but I just need to pursue what I have with so-and-so first."  (I've been told that so much that I'm pretty sure I'm everyone's second-favorite person on the planet.)  These kinds of situations hurt, and they don't get easier with experience, but there is closure.  That closure doesn't come just by moving on:  True closure comes from forgiveness.
• Forgive God.  A younger version of myself used to think that doing good resulted in immediate and directly correlated good blessings....  A younger version of myself would grow up to be sorely disappointed.  In the words of Jeffrey R. Holland, "Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come."  One thing I love about my faith is our understanding of who God is:  He's a compassionate Heavenly Father who loves us-- his kids-- perfectly.  I don't think God ever curses with bad things.  It's against His nature to want us to suffer.  He's, rather, an understanding parent who lets us experience the consequences of our poor decisions and allows us to be exposed to harsh reality.  Life isn't always great, but it's not His fault.  I know, without a doubt, that when we hurt, Heavenly Father hurts too.  He hurts so much for us, in fact, that He allowed for another of His children, Jesus Christ, to atone for every bad thing that has ever or will ever happen.  How can I not forgive a God who prepared a way to make everything fair in the end?
• Forgive those who don't deserve to be forgiven.  I find it difficult to forgive those who willingly hurt my family.  I find it difficult to forgive politicians who destroy the country that I'm supposed to love.  I find it difficult to forgive people who abuse children.  I find it hard to forgive those who hurt, even kill, others unnecessarily.  If anyone knows how to forgive these kinds of people, please, let me know.  Right now, all I feel I can do about these situations is pray.  Pray hard.

So--yeah.  Forgive.  It's sunshine for the heart.

Legacy

I have a lot of cool ancestors.  Some are royalty and nobility from France, Italy, and England.  Some are peasants from Scotland.  Colonel George Eskridge is my 7th great grandfather:  He was a British attorney who adopted a little girl.  This little girl would grow up to have and raise a son, George Washington.  Maybe you've heard of him?  Those who know European history, or world history for that matter, may have heard of Charlemagne.  Yeah-- we're totally related.  Before that, many of my ancestors are Greek.  One family pedigree chart claims that I'm related to Helen of Troy, but I'd like to see the paper trail on that one before I start bragging about it at parties.  Going even further back, I belong to the House of Israel, the tribe of Ephraim.  Interesting, right?

I guess my point is, all of us come from somewhere.  At some point, all of us will leave a part of ourselves behind for our descendants.  We can be true to the philosophies of our ancestors, or we can reject those philosophies and pass on our own.  It's our choice, and it's a choice that can influence generations of people.  In this sense, every one of us is extremely important in a very literal way.

This year's Sunday school theme is Church History.  In today's lesson, we talked about pioneers.  Mormon pioneers are a little bit different than others.  While many pioneers of the 1800s traveled west in search of land, opportunity, and wealth, my ancestors journeyed west to be left alone.  Many of my ancestors and their friends were threatened and, in many circumstances, killed for what they believed.  In the state of Missouri, where many had settled, it was not only legal but encouraged to kill a Mormon on sight.  (It's history.  Look it up.)  My ancestors gave up everything, some even their lives, for what they believed.  To me, that's a powerful legacy.

One afternoon when I was serving in Harlem, I was confronted on a street corner by a gentleman who, nicely put, wanted to make me look stupid.  That was his goal.  I could tell immediately into our conversation that he wasn't talking with me to learn about me:  He was there to publicly destroy my faith.  After giving me all of the "logical" reasons why Mormonism can't be true, he spouted off some statistic.  Something like, "95% of religious people follow the faith that their parents taught them."  This guy picked a fight with the wrong girl, because I wasn't going to fight.  I told him that he wasn't going to change my mind, and I wasn't going to change his.  I wished him a sincerely happy rest of the day, and I walked away.

Did he seriously think I hadn't thought about all my options?  Of course I had.  I've definitely studied Mormonism, but I've studied a lot of other religions too.  I've considered the option that, maybe, there is no God, and we're purely biological beings.  I've studied every angle.  I've studied things as though I wanted them to be true, and I've studied them as though I didn't want them to be true.  I really wanted to know.  Before I even knew about that "95% statistic," or whatever it is, I didn't want to follow something just because my parents raised me to believe it.

I'm still Mormon.  Not because I'm culturally afraid to change.  Not because I'm afraid my family will shun me if I try something else.  Not because I don't have other options.  I'm still Mormon because I have considered every other option I could think of.  I'm Mormon because I choose to be.

Part of the reason why I decided to stick with it is because of my pioneer ancestors.  Before hearing about the Church, my ancestors were very well off.  (Canadians, if I remember right.)  They gave up all of their possessions, their comforts, and their positions in their communities to get baptized and follow the teachings of a man claiming to be a prophet.  They moved to Kirtland, Ohio and then onto Nauvoo, Illinois.  Driven from place to place.  While working as a missionary, one of my ancestors passed away in a blizzard-- a Book of Mormon in his pocket.  Others pushed their way across the plains.  And for what?  Why would they do that?

The faith of my ancestors is something I can't ignore.  They were well educated.  They were successful.  But this meant little to them when given the invitation to belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I'm sure they thought through their options, just as I thought through my own.  That means something to me.

Even knowing where I come from, it's still hard.  I haven't had to pack up and walk across the plains with a handcart, but I have been harassed because of what I believe.  I've been threatened, spit on, had things thrown at me, and been chased.  (But don't tell my mom.  She doesn't know some of those missionary stories.)  I've had people send me what I call "anti-literature," or more statistics and stories (which are always taken out of context) claiming absolutely once-and-for-all that Mormonism is an unfounded faith.  I've had these things told to me at school and at home.  I've been called a fool.  And these attacks come from everywhere.  For the Aetheists, I'm too religious and too Christian.  To some Christians, I can't be considered a Christian at all.  So many people would have me believe that they know more about my faith than I do.

I'm so thankful for those experiences, though.  It helps me understand a piece of what my ancestors went through.  And this isn't a new thing either.  Read the Bible.  Study the treatment of Christians during the reign of Roman emperors like Nero.  For me, it is a privilege to stand where my ancestors have stood.  In spite of persecutions and sacrifices, they remained true to their faith.  They had their reasons.

I have my reasons too.  These may not be the same that my ancestors had, but I'm sure some are the same.  Reasons aside, I'm thankful that my ancestors made the choices that they did.  I wouldn't be here otherwise.  So, it is so important that I do the same for those who will come after me.  In my own way, I'm a pioneer too, leaving behind a legacy for my posterity to follow.

Brothers

The worst thing about having four brothers is that whenever we played Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I had to be April.  Unless my sister was being April, then I had to be Slimer from Ghost Busters.  I spent a lot of time sitting in dark rooms waiting for them to rescue me from Shredder.  It was awful.

That's the only bad thing.  I can't think of anything else.  We had our little disagreements here and there, but I can't think of a time -- ever in the history of EVER-- that I wasn't happy to have so many brothers.

My family follows a pattern:  girl, boy, boy, girl, boy, boy, girl.  I'm the girl in the middle, sandwiched between four boys.  And they really are like the Ninja Turtles.  There's Leonardo, the oldest and most adept at leadership, followed by Raphael, the passionate one.  One little brother is characteristically like Donatello-- intelligent, patient, and calm.  The other is a dead-ringer for Michelangelo-- the energetic one who doesn't take things too seriously.

Brothers are important, especially good brothers.  So, sisters, be good to your brothers.  Brothers, be good to your sisters.  Brothers and sisters need each other.  That's all there is to it.

I seem to gravitate toward list making, so here's a list of reasons why brothers are important to their sisters:

• Brothers teach their sisters to be level-headed.
• I can think of so many instances growing up when I'd be going bat-crap-crazy over some silly, non-consequential thing.  It'd go down like, "Oh my gosh, brother!  I can't believe that my favorite sweatshirt is missing!  Missing?!  What am I going to do?!  My life is OVER!"...  Usually, they wouldn't even have to say anything.  Especially the younger ones.  They'd just look at me and shrug, so as to say, "You're overreacting.  Go over there until you calm down."  If it weren't for my brothers, I'd probably still be that girl who loses it over a lost sweatshirt.
• Brothers teach their sisters how girls deserve to be treated.
•  We didn't have very many rules in my house growing up, but we certainly had to follow the rules we did have.  One of the important ones was the necessity of treating women with respect.  And my brothers did.  Some girls feel like they need to prance around in a tiara, with their nose stuck in the air, in order to be treated like a princess.  I never needed to do that, because I was treated like a princess.  My brothers respected me.  We were equal:  My brothers might even say that their sisters had it easier than they did... which is probably true.  I never had to worry about being inferior.  I'd be willing to bet that most well-adjusted, confident women have brothers (or brother figures) who helped them to grow that way.
• Besides equality, they taught me what to expect in relationships-- whether it be friendships or more.  Any boy who wouldn't treat me like my brothers did was, simply put, not a boyfriend candidate.  I always tend to judge guys based on my brothers too.  Sorry, guys:  If you don't have the common sense of Leonardo, the zeal of Raphael, the tranquility of Donatello, and the enthusiasm for life of Michelangelo, you just won't measure up.
• Brothers teach their sisters how guys deserve to be treated.
• Sometimes my brothers would go on dates with girls who I didn't like very much.  These girls would act innocent, but I knew their ways.  I'm a girl too, after all.  I know the games that we know how to play, and I hated it when girls would mess with my brothers.  I learned, at a fairly young age, that girls should not play mind games with the men in their lives.  I vowed never to be like those girls who didn't treat my brothers well.  Even today, even when a guy is particularly irritating, I try to remember that he's probably someone's brother.  I need to treat him the same way that I'd hope my brothers would be treated.
• Brothers teach their sisters how to present themselves to the world.
• Imagine this:  I walk down the stairs wearing something that I thought was cute.  Maybe a little bit on the immodest side, but so cute!  A brother looks at me and says, "Really?  You sure you wanna wear that?"  (That's brother talk for, "You look sleazy.  You shouldn't go out wearing that.")  Boys and girls think differently about things.  It's biological.  I always appreciated the perspective they gave me whenever I ventured outside the house.  No doubt that our world would be a much better place if there were more caring brothers who would look at their sisters and say, "Really?  You sure you wanna wear that?"
• Brothers teach their sisters how to stick up for themselves
• I'm not kidding.  Leonardo taught me how to verbally lash out at people if they try to take advantage of me.  Raphael taught me how to break someone's arm or shin or neck if they try to grab me.  Donatello and Michelangelo taught me how to avoid situations where either of those skills would need to be put to use.  Instead, they taught me about the finer points of waging psychological warfare on humanity in general.  Because of my brothers, I have peace of mind.  I know that I can do this independent, living on my own thing.  I can stand on my own two feet.  Thanks to them.
• Brothers introduce their sisters to "cool" things.
• My brothers are my best friends.  (My sisters too, but their post will be later.)  Honestly.  Almost all of my interests stem from one of my brothers introducing it to me.  It makes me a little... OK, a lot... nerdy, but I don't care.  I like LEGOS, and Star Wars, and Big Bang Theory, and Dr. Who, and videogames, and football, and exploding things, and protein shakes, and comic books, and building things, and trying to lift things that are probably too heavy for me.  If I think something is funny or worthwhile, chances are I learned about it from one of my brothers.
• Brothers get married and add to the family.
• This is important.  Brothers grow up.  If your brothers are anything like mine, they've married (or will marry) a wife who I like better than them.  The only difference between my sisters-in-law and my biological sisters is just that, the biology.  Thank goodness I was nice enough to my brothers that I get to be friends with their spouses!  Don't even get me started on their kids-- the nieces and nephews.  A perfect day is a day when I get to be surrounded by all of my nieces and nephews.  It's a day when I get to teach them all of the games that I used to play with my brothers.

In a sense, I believe that we're all brothers and sisters.  Not everyone is as blessed (and that is the word for it) to have four brothers like mine.  However, that shouldn't stop anyone from trying to be a guiding, protective, caring, and patient brother or sister to those around them.  Brothers need good sisters.  Sisters need good brothers.  End of story.

Refocus

Today was one of those days.  I hate to be one to publicly complain.  I don't even like to privately complain.  The mantra "cowboy (or cowgirl) up" definitely applies in most situations that try to get under my skin.  Toughen up.  Rub some dirt in it.

I hope you don't mind a quick rant, though.

Teaching is really hard.  Really, really, really hard.  So hard that, at the end of the day, I can't think of a more sophisticated word than "really" to use.  I'm so tired, inside and out.

Today was one of those days.  (Like I said.)  One of those days when my kids didn't want to listen.  One of those days when I was hard on myself, because more of my kids should have passed that math test!  I told them!  I prepared them!  They had it before!  Why don't they have it now?!  What am I doing wrong?!  What do I need to do differently tomorrow that I didn't do today?  And why is it that there's always a student or two who know how to test my every classroom management tactic, how to not so inadvertently waste time all day long, and how to make me take it personally and think it's my fault.

There's no such thing as a perfect teacher.  I get that.  It still bugs me, though.  As a teacher, I try not to take it personally when days like this happen.  But it is personal.  These are my students, and they are important to me, whether they want to be or not.  I like to think that if they knew how much I want the best for them, some may try a little harder when I'm introducing vocabulary words.  I wish I could express to them how many meticulous hours I spend obsessing over the little things that would make my lessons more effective or more interesting.  I wish a lot of things when it comes to my students.  Mostly I wish for their success and happiness.

Another thing is, I never expected to be in this position.  It's strange.  Whenever I was in high school or college, I would look ahead and plan my future.  I would get a degree, serve a mission, maybe work a year or two, and then settle down and get married-- enter family.  Be a mom and grandma until I die.  End scene.

None of this was ever supposed to happen.  I was never supposed to be in a third-year-teaching situation.  I was never meant to deal with good teaching days or boring teaching days or horrible teaching days.  It wasn't supposed to be like this!  I'm supposed to be somewhere else living a different life!  An easier life.

But life isn't easy, is it?  I can't speak for others, but I can definitely speak for myself:  Things rarely turn out the way I expect them to.  I've gotten much better at being OK with that.  Even today, I know that battling with my students (well, some of them anyway) will make me a better teacher in the long run.  So long as I let my challenges, setbacks, and failures refine instead of define.  I'm a teacher who fails sometimes (and learns from it), but I am not a failing teacher.

Time to stop worrying about "what if" and to start addressing "what is."  Time to refocus, regroup, and try again tomorrow.

Oh-- and here's a poem I wrote a while ago, but I think it applies today.  Gracias y buenas noches.

What do you do when you feel out of place,
like the seasons have left you behind?
That there are blessings deserved and promises made,
But some that you still can't quite find?
Postponing and patience and waiting,
the lessons you thought you had learned
are present and ever reminding
of some things which you thought you had earned.

What do you do when the challenge or choice
is something you don't understand?
When you don't feel the guidance or loving support,
Yet you've prayed and done all that you can?
Confusing and empty and lonely,
Wandering around as one mentally blind.
Is it righteous to act without knowing
the consequences or results you might find?

What do you do when you're striving
to serve and to make the world right?
When your back, from the pressure, is breaking
and you're running out of that internal light.
Blessings and justice and mercy,
knocked off balance like an out-of-tune song.
Beginning to consider telling the Lord how
His purposes and placements are wrong.

Shallow is the heart without trouble.
Selfish is the untested soul.
It's best that we live and face trial
as the Carpenter builds to make whole.
Breaking and tearing and mending,
with His skillful and crucified hand.
And so the faithful will let Him continue,
til they've become as the Great I am.

Worth It

Did you know that some people actually have to budget?  I did, but I never thought I'd have to be one of "those people" who has to carefully plan out how every dollar needs to be spent.  My budgeting is still a work in progress, but I'm getting better at not throwing every shiny thing I see into my shopping cart when I'm at the store.  I avoid Target, and I don't even bother going near items that aren't on my list.

However...

I still struggle.  I like stuff.  Especially girly stuff like shoes and clothes and home decorations.  Especially music downloads.  Especially office supplies that would look SO cute on my desk.

That's when I have to ask myself, "Is it worth it?"

Is it worth it to buy these things, knowing that I may risk going over-budget and into a debt that I may not be able to climb out of?  (Yes, I ended that sentence with a preposition.  Sue me.)  Is it worth it to put back some of the items I actually need for something that I only want?  Is it worth it?

That question applies to a lot of things for me right now.  Is it worth it to exercise when I'm too doggone tired to climb out of my car after work?  Is it worth it to cook a healthy dinner for myself when Taco Bell isn't too far away?  Is it worth it to keep up on the house maintenance, or is it OK to let a few things slide here and there?  Sometimes these are easy questions to answer.  Sometimes they're not.

There are even more important "worth it" questions to consider.  Most single Mormons at my age tend to fall away from the Mormon Church.  In fact, they tend to fall away from religion in general.  They have the right to do that-- I'm not judging.  They tend to leave, little by little, as they start letting things slide, here and there.  I wonder if they considered "is it worth it?"

Here are a few things that are definitely "worth it" to me, even though I may not be following popular lifestyle protocol in so doing:

• It is worth it to stay away from alcohol.   
• The only alcohol I've ever had has come in cough syrup form.  Understand, please, that I don't think drinking alcohol makes someone a bad person.  Many of my nearest and dearest friends have an occasional drink or a glass of wine at dinner.  I would never consider myself better than them.  But, for me, alcohol isn't even a temptation.  Why would I willingly put something into myself if I know that it'll make me feel like garbage later?  Why would I willingly put something into myself that shuts down my brain responses and kills my liver?  It isn't worth it.

• It is worth it to stay away from harmful use of drugs.  
•  Prescription drugs are all right so long as they aren't abused.  Even a good and helpful thing can become a bad and harmful thing if used incorrectly or used too often.  I may not have the supermodel body that I'm working for, but I respect my body enough to only put into it what it deserves.  If I treat my body well, it will treat me well.

• It is worth it to pay tithing.   
• For those who don't know, I pay a 10% tithe on every dollar that I earn.  (A $2,000 paycheck would equal a $200 tithe, plus whatever I decide to donate for the Church's food bank.)  Over the course of a year, that money really adds up.  There are times when I calculate what else I could do with that money.  But it isn't worth it.  I'm not going to go into detail here why I cheerfully pay my tithing every month.  I promise, though, that I'm always taken care of.  I always have what I need.

• It is worth it to keep the Sabbath Day holy.   
• I don't go shopping on Sunday.  I don't go to the movies on Sunday.  I don't participate in any sports or go to restaurants on Sunday.  In college and high school, I wouldn't do homework on Sunday.  To this day, I don't do anything work related on the Lord's Day.  Ever.  It isn't worth it.  (Unless I'm dying and need medication.  Then I don't mind stopping by Wal-Greens to get sleep-inducing NyQuil.)  Sometimes I feel inclined to grade a few papers or fill out a few forms, but I made a promise when I was baptized at age 8.  I promised that I would keep every commandment, including this one.  Promises are important.  The cool thing about keeping the Sabbath Day holy is that I always-- ALWAYS-- have time in excess to get the things done which need to be done.  Imagine having one entire day devoted to meditation, service, and time with family and yet still having time in abundance to accomplish necessary tasks.  That's what keeping the Sabbath Day holy is like.

• It is worth it to date inside the Church. 
•  I struggle with this one the most.  I don't have the luxury of being surrounded by attractive Mormon men who have the burning desire to date me.  Again.  That's all right.  99.9% of the time, I really couldn't care less.  That other .1% of the time is the tricky thing.  In the last few years, I've gotten acquainted with so many different guys-- not Mormon-- who I would love to get to know better.  I'd love to go out with them.  But is it worth it?  
•  If I had only myself to think about, then honestly, yes.  It would be worth it.  I would do it, date someone who isn't of my faith.  The thing is, I'm not at that age anymore where dating is just for fun.  Dating is for getting serious, and serious is for getting married.  If marriage is in the cards for me, I hope my hypothetical spouse doesn't mind having a honeymoon baby.  And then new babies after that as quickly as my body and our finances can handle.  It's those kids who I think about.
• My kids (who I recognize may never exist) deserve to have a father like the father I have.  They deserve to have a father like he had, who is also like the father who my mother has.  I don't expect everyone to understand this, but my potential/hypothetical/non-existent children deserve to have a father who holds the Priesthood.  The power to act in God's name, to give them blessings of guidance and health.  To teach them the things that my father and grandfathers have taught me.  It may not be worth it for me to date inside the Mormon Church, but it is definitely worth it for them.

• It is worth it to save sex for marriage.
• I don't know why I feel inclined to share this, but, in spite of its personal nature, I will.  Yes, I'm 26.  Yes, I'm a virgin.  Proud of it too.  I've never even degraded myself enough to put myself in a situation where I'd put this virginity at risk.  IT'S NOT WORTH IT!  I have a body and hormones that function just fine, thanks.  But my body doesn't control me.  I'm in charge, and I say abstinence is crucial to maintaining a healthy spirit and self-image.  It certainly doesn't hurt in keeping a healthy body either.  There are so many nasty plagues in this world that I can put out of my mind.  I'm never going to have to face the dilemma of an unwanted pregnancy.  Religious or not, this is a smart way to live.  You'd be surprised how many people agree with me.

The temporal and physical benefits of keeping these promises is clear.  That's not the main reason why I do it though.  I follow these guidelines out of an understanding that I have a spirit inside me to take care of as well.  There's no faster way to kill a spirit than to decide, "No, it's not worth it."  Should I ever do that with any of these points, I guarantee that a piece of that spirit will shrink.  I'll only be a fragment of the person I could (and should) be.  It's worth it to me to keep these promises for that reason alone.

I better get off my soap-box now.  I'm sure I've met my quota for offending others tonight.  That wasn't my goal, though, offending people.  The good-- no, GREAT-- news is that I don't judge.  It's not my place.  If you don't think these things are worth it, then don't follow it.  If, though, you haven't asked yourself these questions, maybe you should start.  Maybe it's worth it to change.

Date Ideas

When I was growing up, it always seemed like I had a balanced mix of friends-- some boys, some girls, some Mormon, some not, some athletic, some musical, some artistic, some reckless, and others reserved.  Something interesting has happened, though, very recently.  Ever since serving my mission and coming home, the majority of my close friends and acquaintances are girls.  Everything else is still fairly balanced.  This is the only thing that's changed.

I'm glad it's that way, though.  Most of my guy-friends are married now, and it would be extremely inappropriate for me to carry on a friendship with them when they should be focused on their respective families.  I suppose this post can be for friends like those.  Here are some ideas for what you can do for your wife!  Even married people need to go on dates.  (Especially married people need to go on dates.  Gotta keep that love alive.)

Another funny observation:  With the exception of one or two, all of the girls with whom I associate now have mentioned how hard it is to get asked out on a date nowadays.  They talk about how they feel sub-par-- that if they could be smarter or prettier or funnier, maybe they would get asked out every now and again.  (Not kidding, guys.  You're really hurting their feelings.)  The sad thing is, my friends are beautiful, intelligent, and hilarious.  A guy would have a hard time finding better.  So why are all of us girls hanging out every weekend when we (at least some of us) should be on a date?...  I'm old-fashioned.  Boys, ask my friends out.  They're awesome.  They deserve a good time.  I know you'll love spending time with them as much as I do.  I. DARE. YOU.

To help you out, here are some inexpensive and fun ideas that you can use WHEN you take my friends (or your wife) on dates:

• Go hiking.  You can't go wrong frolicking in meadows.  Heck-- I do this by myself whenever I get the chance.  It's amazing.  Pack a picnic.
• Go star gazing.  We're not talking "let's lie next to each other, look up at the sky, and hope that it turns into a make-out session" star gazing.  We're talking legit "let's use this star map to find constellations, planets, and stars" star gazing.  Tell the constellations' stories.  Eat moon pies.
• Throw a rave.  Buy a bunch of glow-sticks, stage a club in your basement, and add music.  Serve mocktails (cocktails minus the alcohol).  Keep it clean.  It's not a real rave, after all.
• Have a themed dinner and a movie.  Choose a foreign film and cook a meal to go with it.  Chinese movie, meet Chinese food.  Bollywood movie, meet Indian food.  Japanese movie, meet sushi.  British movie, meet fish and chips.  Get it?  There are a lot of possibilities here.
• Don't go bowling in formal wear.  Seriously.  Don't.  This idea isn't clever and cute.  It's stupid.  If you make my friends do this, I'll give them permission to punch you in the throat.
• Have a mini-bonfire.  All you need is a fire pit.  Roast marshmallows, and then see who roasts them better.  See who can create the best smore recipe.  See who has the scariest ghost story.
• Volunteer.  Every community has a need of some kind.  Go serve the community.  It's a great way to get to know each other.  Not sure where to go?  Here's a site that will give you some ideas:  http://www.justserve.org/
• Record a song together.  Got a cell phone that records sounds?  Great!  Got an iPad or laptop with recording capabilities?  Even better!  Think of it as karaoke + music video....  Music video....  That's a great idea!
• Play video games.  Despite contrary belief, girls like video games too.  Why not play video games together?  Seems simple enough.  Make sure you play multi-player games, and not the kind that say they're multi-player, but they're really not.  Don't forget the classics.  You can't go wrong with Mario Kart.
• At Christmastime, go caroling.  It doesn't matter if you know your neighbors or not.  If you don't think your neighborhood is safe, first of all-- man up and carry a gun.  Second of all, you can go caroling anywhere.  It doesn't matter if you know the people you're singing to or not.  (Although you may want to go to homes with Christmas lights to avoid offending someone who doesn't celebrate Christmas.)  End the night with hot chocolate or apple cider.
• Bake something and then give it away.  Cook something together and then give the goodies away to friends and neighbors.  Ding-dong-ditch the cupcakes/bread/cookies/brownies/whatever-you-made and watch your neighbors' reactions using binoculars.
• Make something.  Paint a picture.  Build a birdhouse.  Make jewelry.  It's girly.  It's cute.  It's fun.  If she's an artsy kind of girl, she'll love it.
• Nerf gun war.  Hide behind furniture.  Enough said.
• Visit historical sites.  Most towns (all towns, in fact) have a unique history.  Dig into that history and go to your town's landmarks.
• Study family history together.  Not everyone would like this, but I know some would.  Go to ancestry.com to find ancestors.  Visit a family history center-- most libraries and Mormon churches have some kind of a family history program already in place.  These programs, as far as I know, are free to the public.
• Learn how to dance.  You don't have to take dance lessons either.  There are plenty of YouTube tutorials you can follow.  If you're not into learning how to waltz, then learn the choreography to "Thriller."

I feel like I could go on.  I might.  Feel free to add your ideas in the comments below.

And, guys, I've given you a lot of great ideas.  Ask my friends to do some of these things with you!

Also, ladies, it wouldn't kill you to ask the guys out either.  If they say no, it's their loss.

Movies

Three day weekends are awesome.  They give me the chance to spend time with my family in Cheyenne.  (We're going to the shooting range tomorrow.  Can't you see how happy I am?!?!)

Anyway, today after church, my Dad and I were talking about our favorite movies.  Can we take a minute to appreciate that one of his favorites is "The Little Mermaid?"...(Pause and wait a minute.  I'm serious.)

Good-- and by "good," I mean to say "wholesome"-- entertainment is hard to come by.  There's so much smut on television and in the theaters that I wish we'd stop endorsing.  Movies aren't evil, though.  Through movies I've learned a lot of valuable lessons, discovered powerful role models, and developed unhealthy crushes on fictional characters.  (Captain America, anyone?...  No?...  OK, more for me then.  Will Turner from Pirates of the Caribbean?...  All right.  I'll take him too.)

Here's a list of my Top 5 favorite movies:

5.  Meet Joe Black
It has nothing to do with Brad Pitt being in it.  (Although, I would be lying if I said I didn't think Mr. Pitt has done a wonderful job of aging well.)  There's only one scene to be wary of:  The rest are totally family appropriate.  The best part of the movie (spoilers) is when Anthony Hopkins' character asks if he should be afraid to die.  Death (aka Brad Pitt) responds by saying, "Not a man like you."  It leads me to wonder what kind of monuments I'll leave behind when I pass away.  I can leave behind a massive estate, a happy family, or I can leave behind both of those things.  It's nice to know that wealth, whether in money or relationships, doesn't have to corrupt a person.

4.   Slumdog Millionaire
Stop judging me, Pharisaical Mormons.  I don't watch rated R movies, but when I do, I make sure that they're entirely appropriate and only rated R because whoever did the rating was too lazy to actually watch the movie and assumed it would be rated R because it came from a different country.  I love Bollywood movies, particularly the comedic ones.  However, Slumdog is the only foreign film to make my favorite all-time movie list.  I love the fact that someone who has every right to be bitter, to hate the world, to be selfish, and to seek revenge on others chooses not to do so.  It taught me that true goodness should not, and cannot, be corrupted by circumstances.  A truly amazing person knows how to rise above their circumstances even when it isn't the easiest thing.  This film also shows the true and gruesome consequences for those who choose to become bitter and vengeful.  (Les Miserable also taught me this lesson.  The movie would have made the list, but I liked the Broadway production a little bit better.)

3.   Lord of the Rings:  The Return of the King
One does not simply discuss their love of the Lord of the Rings trilogy in one paragraph.  It's a classic example of good vs. evil.  And evil does exist.  I don't care much for philosophy that leaves morals and ethics open for discussion.  Right is right, and wrong is wrong.  Truth is truth, even if no one believes it.  And truth is worth fighting for.  Goodness is worth keeping.  I just love everything about this movie.  The music, the cinematography, the acting, the writing.  I love it so much, I can even tolerate that it could end about 15 minutes before it does.  (PS:  Yes.  I know.  I'm a big fat loser nerd who likes elves and hobbits and wizards and Aragorn.  I already know.)

2.  Nicholas Nickelby
Not many people have heard of this one.  It's based on a Charles Dickens novel.  (He's one of my favorite authors, by the way.  He has great insight into human character and society.)  I highly recommend this one.  Character development is very well done.  (My dad just said so.  He's helping with this one.)  Dickens has a very common theme in many of his stories:  Wealth is not based upon possessions and power.  Wealth is based upon relationships with others.  (Thanks, Dad, for the insight.)  I also appreciate that Nicholas Nickelby is a young person who isn't afraid to stand up to those in authority when those in authority use their power to abuse others.  If you haven't seen this movie, watch it now.  I think it's on Netflix.

1.  Mulan
Yes, my favorite movie is a Disney cartoon.  Yes, I realize how childish that makes me look.  In my defense, I could have chosen some sophisticated movie like Citizen Kane (that I'm convinced most people don't really like, but they pretend they do so they can sound important during cinematic discussions).  At least I didn't choose something incredibly stupid like Mars Attacks or The (Freaking) Notebook or anything that has Jim Carey in it....  At any rate, back to Mulan:  Any movie that has musical numbers in it is a plus.  Make that a Donny Osmond musical number, and I'm one happy camper.  However, there's more to it than that.  I so much identify with Mulan.  She doesn't really fit with her culture, and while mourning her inability to fit into that culture, her father tells her simply, "What beautiful blossoms we have this year.  But look, this one is late.  But I bet, that when it blooms, it will be the most rare and beautiful of all."  The love that Mulan shares with her father and family is what drives her to go against the societal norms.  In so doing, she grows into the person she was meant to be all along.  Some of us just grow differently than others, and that's all right.

So, there it is.  That's my movie list, and I'm sticking to it.