Friends of Single Adults

It's been a year since I've started this blog. I thought I'd give it up after a month or two, but—turns out—writing is therapeutic. In honor of my accomplishment of sticking to something for more than a few months, here's a very super duper special post.... Actually, it's not super duper. Or super special. BUT, it is true to the name of the blog. I thought I would post some advice for those of you who don't know what it's like to be single for, well, foreeeeever. Basically, it's like watching your friends get picked-off, one-by-one, like in the Hunger Games....  Except, instead of dying, they're getting married.  I've lost many friends to their marriages, and I hate it.  So, I guess this is what I would recommend for them.  Here's my advice on how to be a good friend to a single adult, even if you're married.

How to be friends with a single adult:

• Don't forget to invite us to fun outings. For those who have families, it's easy to participate in fun, social outings. For those of us who don't have ready access to other people, our spontaneous outings tend to be solo outings to the movie theater. While it is fun to be alone, it's also nice to be invited and included.
• Remember us on holidays. Valentine's Day is the one that comes to mind for most. (I, personally, couldn't care less about such a senseless holiday.) However, if I were to be honest, a difficult holiday for me is Mother's Day. It's just a reminder of lost potential and not-to-be dreams. But getting a call on a day like that helps a lot.
• Don't remind us that we're single. When striking up a conversation with me, if your first question is, “How's your love life?” or “Are you dating anyone?”--yeah, you aren't getting an answer, at least not a polite one. And, should the time ever come that I decide to settle down, you will not be informed. On purpose. Because it's none of your [explicative] business whether or not I'm “even trying” to get married.
• Ask us for help. It's nice to be wanted, and it's nice to be needed. It's also nice to be recognized as a capable grown up who can contribute positively to relationships and society.
• Celebrate our successes with us. And I'm not talking “she's finally dating someone!” successes. I'm talking anything that's important to me. I could count, on one hand, the number of extended family members who have ever congratulated me on my accomplishments—or who have told me that they're proud of me. (Kind of pathetic if you consider that there are hundreds of people in my extended family.) While I know I shouldn't play favorites, my favorite family members are definitely those who actually show they care about me.
• Be willing to offer help. One of the times I truly envy those in marriage relationships is when I have to face an especially difficult challenge. I don't have anyone to go home to who will tell me everything will be OK. When it's time to pack up and move, it's all on me. When an appliance breaks down—me. Yardwork—me. When the dog is sick and throwing up—I'm in charge of cleanup. When I'm sick and throwing up—I'm in charge of cleanup. Even offering to help with little jobs helps a lot.
• Don't assume that we don't understand how to be adults. “When you're grown up and married, you'll understand what we're talking about.”....Heard it. A lot. Based on this logic, every person in the world who's married is of a mature and sound mind.... Right.... This is especially annoying logic when coming from someone several years younger than myself who hasn't experienced a fraction of the “adult” things which I have.
• Don't assume anything about us, really. Maybe we do want to be single. Maybe we don't. Maybe we're happy with our current situations in life. Maybe we're not. But, truth be told, it's not anyone's business but our own. I've participated in many conversations that include phrases like, “You're still single? Well, what's wrong with you?”...Because, clearly, it's only the sane people who get married—nope, no crazy people allowed. And only the selfish stay single. Way to feed into unfounded stereotypes. Please, leave me out of those stereotypes.
• Be encouraging. Not that a single person is constantly in need of validation, but kind words can positively fill an emotional tank. While you may have a significant other to remind you of how great you are, we single folks get to rely on ourselves for that. And, let's face it, me telling myself in the mirror that I'm looking good isn't nearly as potent as a niece telling me how pretty I am.  For those who are Mormon, especially continue to encourage us to keep the commandments of God--most single people my age, even those who used to be religious, no longer do.
• Don't try to set me up unless I ask you to or approve beforehand. Just because two people are single and of a similar age doesn't mean that they're going to get along. I have very specific tastes, as I'm sure everyone does, and I don't appreciate getting set up with people unknowingly. If I ask you to set me up with someone, it's because I trust you to be as picky as I am. If you insist on setting up your single friends, have a solid argument as to why the arrangement is worth the trouble.
• Check in on us every once in a while. “If I were to die in my sleep tonight, how long would it take for someone to notice that I'm gone?” The thought has crossed my mind before, particularly in the summertime when I'm not expected to be anywhere. My next thought is usually, “I sure hope my dogs would find something to eat besides me.” Check in on your single friends so that our dogs don't have to eat our faces. Thanks.

So, that's my list this time around. Happy blog anniversary!