Remember that forgiveness thing I just posted about? Rather fortuitous, I'd say. Today I came home to a surprise that broke my heart into teeny-tiny pieces. On my living room floor I found a mess of feathers and a cage short one bird. My sweet little Odysseus. He used to sing and dance whenever I'd play the piano for him. He'd actually let me hold him and scratch his head. And there he was. Scattered.
It's been a rough week already, and this seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back. (I'm the camel.) I keep thinking of all the things I could have done to prevent this from happening. I can't help but feel it's all my fault. Such a sweet little spirit, gone. Because I'm not smart enough to lock the dogs up while I'm at work.
After coming to grips with the situation, I wrapped my little Odysseus up (what was left of him), kissed the wrapping, and placed him gently in a decorated box. I set the box on the piano and played his favorite songs-- the ones he especially enjoyed. Such a sweet bird.
The hardest part has been listening to his wifey, Penelope. She relied on him a lot. She has this special call that she does whenever she's separated from him.... Poor little gal has been calling for him all evening and all night. Before sitting down to write this, all I could do was crouch by her cage and apologize, over and over, that her sweet-heart left us so unexpectedly. My stomach collapses even now when I think of her sitting in that cage by herself tonight, no one there to cuddle her and keep her warm. I've never lost a spouse, but I see a little of myself in Penelope as she sits there alone.
It takes me back to all those times when I've comforted the widows I've known. In a way, now when I look at my Penelope, I see them. One day, they were enjoying the company of their beloved, and the next-- well... the next, they're entirely and utterly displaced as they try to make sense of their new life.
Most people, I think, have felt that. All people should expect to feel this loss at some point. I think that we should, because feeling loss helps us to recognize that whatever we lost meant something to us. I think this loss is sensed the greatest, at least for me, when a family member is lost.
How thankful I am that death is not the end! To know that, through following the teachings of Jesus Christ, I can be reunited with my family. My family will always be my family. My grandparents, parents, siblings, and all other family members are bound to me, and I am bound to them, if we can stand fast in our resolve to live correctly. What a wonderful thought that, someday, should I ever get married and have kids that those family members will be mine for eternity too. I don't believe that Heavenly Father gives us something so perfect as our families only to take them away forever.
Something that Mormons are often criticized for is our belief that, even in death, a person can choose what to believe and what to follow. Everyone is given the chance to accept the truths that will save them, whether they hear those truths in life or in death. Every family that has ever been, that is, or that ever will be has that same blessed opportunity to seal themselves together, to never suffer separation again.
Death is only a temporary goodbye. Families are meant to be eternal. Right now, I hope that it's the same way for birds.
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